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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I'm quite at a loss for words today.. it was juz another typical day at work...some commotion regarding the division of the commission...i also dunno what's fair... everyone there has their own point of view.... ya money is indeed a sensitive issue... it's difficult to come up with a decision in which everyone is happy with. Well, i dun have much say anyway... so i guess it's best to go with what others say...

I was feeling quite tired today.. maybe coz i cant make myself fall asleep until 2 the previous night.... so i ended up playing my guitar till 2... Bambi's my only listener haha... quite pathetic right? I was like in a daze the entire day... received a couple of messages that i didnt quite expect... but does apologies really help to undo certain things i dun wish to mention here? I just didnt have the mood to reply.. or should say i'm tired of reading the same old things? After i learnt about that matter the othertime .. i just cant imagine my naiveness right from the beginning...i also learnt that humans can never be trusted completely...but i'm amazed that i'm still able to type out some words of bliss..at that point in time... juz trying to put up a strong front lik i always do... sometimes wonder why i have to act so strong on the outside.. it really doesnt benefit me in any way...

I'm the type of person tt will try my best to appear as happy as i could.. or as normal as i could.. even when i'm feeling down... sometimes wonder why i have to try so hard... so silly.... In situations like learning this matter.... according to my character.. i will choose to disappear... tt's the only way to feel better... seeing that person willonly evoke some unwanted memories... Maybe i sound like a turtle hiding my head in a shell...but i dun care... tt's my way of protecting myself...

I was on my way to recovery... telling myself that i will be fine in a month or two... but u know sometimes life juz dun always turn out the way u thought it would be...It's impossible to pen down the hurt i experienced... but i can only blame it all on myself for being too gullible... i once said to someone.. "time tells it all".. well indeed it does... in juz a few months.. i was taken aback by some changes that took place.. .It sounded all so real in the past... but time juz prove to me that all the things that sounded so real in the past were all juz lies.. i juz felt that way.. I wonder how u will react if I do this to u... I dun wanna repeat the cycle over and over again.. i'm tired tt's
all i can say.... dun wish to go thru everything over and over again...

Okie.. having a headache.. now guess i'll end here....i'll Go play my guitar... hope i can sleep better tonight..

Cheers!

12:48:00 AM