The Girl

Brenda
01 January

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Sunday, July 30, 2006


What will a plate of over cooked food taste like? Not tt great right? So what if the food is under-cooked? usually diarrhoea will follow... not tt great either... I suppose it says something about life itself... over or under doing something is never beneficial... the outcomes will not be very positive. ..



how nice if we could live in a world when we we dun have to pretend... dun have to act.. maybe we are all juz forced to pretend to survive.....therefore u will never noe whether if any friends around u has stabbed daggers on ur back.. without u knowing...One person can never always have things turn out the way they wanted... in this world, even if personalities and values clashed between two individuals... even if grudges exist btw the two individuals....90 percent of the time the two of them will not tell each other straight in the face....



Maybe through actions and words exchanged between the two people... sensitive outsiders will be able to sense it straightaway... the level of disagreement btw them... in my opinion i find it a real torture.. isnt it better to tell the person what ur unhappy about that person .at least it heightens the chances of working things out together.. . rather then keeping it all inside.. keeping the fire burning.. and expressing ur unhappiness through aggressive sarcarstic criticisms... i guess tt doesnt solve the root of the problem.. the grudge is still there... and it will juz continue to be there.. unless both parties face it....



But like what i say... at times.. in this world it's nt always possible to be honest at all times... sometimes when circumstances dun allow.. u juz got to bear with it... stick to the fake smile... and continue with life with that person... in life we juz got to work and be together with pple we like or dun like...the fact is hanging out with the person is not a want.. it's a must..Do i have a choice in the first place? knowing someone for a longer time juz says a lot more of a person..



Thoughts...

Found someone? Do u only think u like someone coz u r feeling lonely? or u juz felt u needed company?Really think he/she is the one for u? think again? is it a crush.. is it love or juz merely infatuation..? U like his/her looks? body? or u juz like him/herself for who he/she is? do u only like the outer appearance? or do u like the real her/him? do u get together before knowing her/him, or do u get together first then start to know each other?


Juz questions to ponder .. about the complicated relationships happening nowadays....


Anyway i dun believe in promises... to me it's a lie unless it happened... otherwise a promise will turn into a lie.. anyway..i'm glad i didnt went for the grass..recently got to know that the grass hasnt changed at all... guess my indecisiveness is sort of like a test... and this test had proven that i'm right again once again..The quality of the grass is never consistent... never constant.. it's constantly on the change.. ever changing.. a short length of time proves everything..


Nothing should cloud my mind now .... I'm surer then anyone else..


It's not anyone's fault.. it's not anyone's mistake ... it's juz a difference of opinions and perspectives... however acceptance is not a choice here.. it's a must..


*I wanna be happy... i wanna be able to smile and laugh right from my heart.... **


*I dun wish to be disrupted by any unwanted sounds... unwanted interruptions..
unwanted form of disaggreements..**



*Isn't it tiring to fake a false front everyday?**

*Confusion between liking someone and the thinking of wanting to be attached....

(A norm happening commonly in this era)**


* But honestly..I juz wanna be me.. **


*Congrats u've found the one.. all the best**


Sunday

8.50pm

30-07-06


Cheers!






8:04:00 PM



Monday, July 17, 2006


Perhaps i'm juz a passive type of person... there's pros and cons to everything.. but for me i care too much about my pride.. i couldnt bear losing my pride for something... for me i will rather forgo that something in exchange of keeping my pride.. tt sounds silly... therefore i've always admired those people who can forsake their pride in order to pursue for something they love. Well the pros to it is at least they tried and there will be no regrets in future.. however that juz seems impossible for someone like me...


Well, juz a passing thought.... tt's all... i'm such a rational person that i think i can still hide my emotions even if i'm drunk by any chance haha.. sometimes i hate myself for being excessively calm... therefore find it difficult to actually find an outlet to release any form of emotion..whether it's anger, sadness.. etc... becoz i dun wish to be of a burden to anyone.. i dun wan them to be influenced by my negative emotions..but crying does helps one feel better.. it's scientifically proven .. it's even better if there's a shoulder for u to lean on when ur crying...and a hug to know that someone cares ... at least it's great to know that u have company for that moment...


*If that's how u intend to show it to me... then forget it...ur heart's not in it at all**


*Loneliness may be overwhelming sometimes, however it's better in the long run...it's better then to step into something that brings sadness... patience is the key to happiness... **


*What's urs is urs.... what's meant to be will happen somehow.. **


Monday
17/07/06
1.28pm


Cheers!



1:06:00 PM



Saturday, July 15, 2006


Long time no see haha..Been quite stressed up with projects and school work lately...tests... projects.. sighz... and mygroup is like the slowest it seems to me everyone is ahead of us.. i must learn the art to breathe easy haha.. feeling moody these days too.. no internet access at home... :-(... inconvenient to do project... i'm totally unproductive when i work inschool...easily distracted.. maybe that's why..


The reason for my down moods lately.. maybe due to my hormones..but i really shouldnt vent it on my poor friend... i didn't know i can be so insensitive of his feelings for so long.. apologies for that..i'm glad i knew about this..luckily he didnt hold it against me.. and things are sorted out.. :-p... happy to know that...really shouldnt take his good natured temper for granted.. .if u are reading this.. sorry once again... hope that u felt better after i sang u my song... haha...:-p


Life itself is full of uncertainties... i should always cherish the special people i care about more... shower them with more true compliments and minimise the amount of criticisms.....apparently too much of something.... is never good. Compliments loses its value... if it is constantly always heard..... Excesssive criticisms on the other hand also causes someone to lose self confidence... therefore i believe i should always try my best to achieve a balance between the two..an equal balance of both elements will bring happiness to people i care about in life...


Certain things need to be brought into the light..in order for me to acknowledge my mistake and strive to change for the better....well..i guess it's normal for human beings to feel empty deep within once in a while..however sometimes this feeling of emptiness can be quite overpowering at times...but sometimes it's the little actions that really says a lot abouthow the person felt about u... Quite a no of pple told me that i look like i'm happy everyday.. haha.... well i hope i truly am... i strive to be happy everyday too..but i'm the type of person who finds it easier to hide my emotions.. than showit ... well there are pros and cons to everything..i try my best to look happy to crack lame jokes.. play around... even if i actually felt down.. i feel that joking around helps me feel happy for a while.. at least for a while haha.. but when everyone's left... and when i'm all alone i'm back to square one.. :-(


In school i sometimes felt that i'm neither here nor there.. i can join a group but i find it hard to fully blend in... so feels like i got one foot in group A .. another foot in group B... it's hard to make it clear why i feel this way.... but i juz do...again it's the actions that says a lot...however what i really hate most is disharmony and tension within a group... for me i would rather juz give in it might not really solve the problem but at least it's better for everyone in the long run... :-p that is what's most impt..

*Importance to have an equal balance of the 2 Cs in life.. (Compliments and Criticisms)*

Saturday

12.19am

15-07-06


12:08:00 AM



Saturday, July 01, 2006


So how is it like living in a world without strangers...when u know everyone and everyone knows u.. seen this 3 words on the T-shirts of strangers ... seen it like around 2 to 3 times already... juz suddenly thought of it....


Sometimes when i'm alone i felt like i live in a world with only strangers....it's not like i dun have friends but sometimes friends cant always appear like magic whenever u feel lonely and empty..it's funny i thought if a person is busy you will not have the time to feel lonely at all... but i guess it's not entirely true....almost everyday... i rush from school to work or OB..but there are still times when i feel so alone.. i wonder why...


Perhaps i'm juz down.... that's all... juz one of my mood swings probably? i will be fine in a day or two.... Perhaps i live my life like a clown... i often say things that humor my friends... i make comments which they think it's funny..i enjoy making people laugh i crap a lot about anything.. and can talk to practically anyone as long as we understand the same language...haha...i appear to be a really jovial and happy person to be with ... but in fact i dunno if that's the real me....


In school... i hope for certain friends to be in the same class as i am... but hope and reality is different... i felt so lonely during certain lectures when i dun get to sit with my friends.. i can clearly hear other lecture mates talking and laughing in between lecture breaks... i sat there seeing people walking in pairs or in threes... to visit the toilet together....whilst i went alone... cldnt find anyone to go with me... ;-( so sad right? ... it's actually no big deal ... but juz felt left out during that point of time.. that' s all.....


Perhaps i'm a person who really needs company... it's juz as simple as that...


*Constantly in search of my true self..**



*I must have been such a child..during that point in time when i felt alone**


**No one likes to be alone.... even if they hate to admit it... but deep down.. i believe no one love the feeling of loneliness.... People who claim themselves as loners are merely juz people who couldnt find the courage to admit the truth.......I CAN'T stand loneliness!**



Saturday


6.00pm


01-07-06


*Singing leads my soul... Guitar is a part of me..Music captivates me*


Cheers!




5:50:00 PM