http://s0mewhere-i-bel0ng.blogspot.com

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Recently, life hasn't been too good to me .. I Nv knew my life was previously good until recently when problems hit me all at once, then I realized how fortunate I was in the past. I guess we only learn to cherish something only when it's gone; (the god damn bloody human nature deserves to be hanged indeed.)

Basically, it's me dealing against ageing ailments of my daddy and my dog ..and of Cos not forgetting my monetarily oriented mother. It's an on going war.. Juz me, myself and I against all these.

It's a tiring process. I'm not denying that.

Waking up in the middle of the night or not being able to sleep at all when my dog is feeling restlessly unwell or rushing frantically off to hospital after work for the past few days ..and then rushing back home to make dinner and clean up the mess my dog created, after all's done.. When it's time to rest perhaps it's also time to change doggy diapers.

Waking up in the wee hours of the morning seems like a norm these days , on certain nights I juz woke up in fear that my dog is whining in pain and yearning for my assistance, breaking in cold sweat only to realize its my hallucination. Well, false alarm or not, I juz don't wanna risk it, risk having her helpless; so I became very jumpy at night, and shagged in the day.

I'm really not complaining no I'm not. I'm doing all these out of my own free will. Ok maybe I'm juz whining and ranting. And of cos Nv will u ever neglect the monetarily oriented mom who makes noises that's oh so tormenting to the ears, mood and soul.

Moments like this,

I wish for a bean stalk in which I can climb and climb till I finally disappear...

2:16:00 PM

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Today is a disastrously eventful day , I start off the morning with a troublesome client ..miscommunication btw the inter_departments, how unhelpful everyone can suddenly b. Okie being frustrated I ran into another irritating problematic client who is pushy and demanding, spent lik so much time trying to appease him ... Okie if that isn't enuff, the website broke down .. And So I spent the remaining hours apologizing over the technical fault towards frustrated clients. Okie mentally very drained after all the drama ..

Here comes the major issue of the day ..
My father was admitted to hospital .. Apparently it was a potential stroke case , not a confirmed one. As he was initially unable to respond correctly to the doc's questions on his personal details. Hence, he needs to be under observation at least for a night or two. He seemed lik semi conscious initially, according to my mom, he answered his age wrongly as well. I rushed home to feed Bambi her medication and changed her diapers as she had dirtied the entire house out of frustration due to hunger. Cleared the poo and pee and all , fed her dinner and rushed off taking cab to the hospital ..
Well, let's juz hope the condition improves; no operation required and he can be discharged soon.

雙手合十，祈禱著. .

Facing with stress at work, and taking care of my unwell father and unwell pet ageing dog is definitively sufficient to drive me to the wall.

I'm so tired indeed ..

Do grant me the necessary strength I need to move forward fearlessly and smoothly.
I missed those old days when I have chance for ample rest and sleep .. As an adult with so growing burdens and responsibilities, I feel I'm being robbed of the chance to get sufficient rest.

Seems that I don't have that kinda of luxury .. :(

1:14:00 AM

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Actually in this world , no one person can b trusted completely .. Nothing is permanent and everyone has a possibility to go astray at some point or another .. No matter how unchangeable it might appear to be .. Even the person u thought u know best .. May just have a side that u do not know .. A person u know ur whole life ? Can be totally trusted ? No way .. I will nv trust someone completely. . But that doesn't mean I'm possessive in fact I'm not .. I don't attempt to control Anyone .. I am juz being realistic , everyone has a risk of falling into temptations. I juz dislike and refuse to paint a flawless picture of anyone and anything only to find myself disappointed later on. As the higher the hopes the higher the disappointment. We all know that.

Everyone experience vulnerable moments , it is only during these weakest moments we can accurately put someone's tolerance to temptations to a test. In which many will fail this test maybe once or twice ? Or their whole life ? Even the person u look up to or respect or once trusted the most can fail this test when U least expected it.

Well what can we say .. Embrace life with acceptance .. Take everything with a pinch of salt .. Over controlling someone is not a solution. Instead it pushes the person further away, have seen it in many life instances. Many things are beyond our control, sad but true.

Maybe that's why the phobia to commit exist ... It bears responsibilities between two parties one must fulfill for a lifetime in which I have seen and witnessed for myself, many failed to upkeep .... I guess perhaps I'm too much of a pessimist. I over think. Unlike many, who might look forward so much to tying the knot. I'm somewhat engulfed with mixed feelings, Abnormal maybe ? Perhaps so ..

On the side note, I also do not believe by saying any vow guarantees love will last for eternity. To me, It's like the usual 'outcome' one will need to derive at, after dating for the longest time. Forget about those elaborated and dreamy scenes that movies depict weddings to be. They merely portrayed a misconception that wedding is a bed of roses; by showing only the beautiful side. In reality, it involves lots of effort, time, compromise btw both parties when preferences clash and of cos money. Through attending and performing for quite a number of wedding gigs, of cos I have been to some screwed up ones and often can't help but shudder to the thought that there's a possibility that mine will turn out to be lik this, when my turn eventually comes ( fingers crossed, I hope not).

8:23:00 PM

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Dear god , pls allow me to sleep peacefully thru the night without interruptions and disruptions .. I didn't know it could be such a luxury until I need to juggle between working full time and dealing with Bambi's aging condition .. Believe me this two issue really doesn't go well together .. And often results in nights of interrupted sleep . .

Though I don't like what I'm doing everyday generally, but I must admit to a certain extent towards nicer more appreciative people, I derive a sense of satisfaction when their problems are resolved because of the efforts I put in , the decisions I made , and the approach I've taken. However, during tired days, satisfaction is minimal. Moreover, it all boils down to who u r speaking to, and not merely juz on the intensity of the given issue , even if the case is damn bloody simple , if the counter party is a monster, the whole experience would still be a disaster, the entire day's mood will be ruined.

Communication, the knowledge of the industry, skill of rejection, the soft skills ( to make any monster feel high and mighty) the tone , the volume, the attitude and the choice of words spoken is by far the most important aspects of my job.

Grant me rest .. Bless Bambi to be in less pain and agony, may her arthritis and seizure juz go away. .
God bless her ..

Brenda

12:12:00 AM