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Monday, April 17, 2006

It was quite a monotonous day today..until i met up with my darling siu yuin... after 5 haha.. but too bad she got a stomachache so gotta go back and rest early.. hope she gets well soon... maybe she's sensitive to chocolates.. ya but had great fun hanging out with her...really enjoyed her company today..if it's not for her today..i will be even more down...thks darling....at least... taking photos was especially fun i guess.. we were like giggling all the way.. with those qian bian expressions.. i guess the pple walking by juz feel like beating us up.. but luckily they did not... i will put the photos on here for all to see.. asap.. once she send me the photos.. :-p

Moving on to another heart-sinking matter in my life... i received news that my grandma had came out from the hospital.. u might think that i should be happy but according to my cousin who was there.. she told me that she was suffering ... her stomach's pain was killing her... she's like crying.. I've never seen her cry for all my 20 years.. i saw it once since i last saw her...she was like moaning in pain..she's a strong woman for all i know... always keep everything to herself.. afraid that others will worry for her constantly.. always praying for everyone to be well.... a selfless.. and strong individual.. i must admit that i've always admired her character..

I just dun understand why such a good .. noble person like her who always put other's welfare at first priority.. had to go through this....? why is it so unfair? She's never done anything bad in her entire life.. .. Deep down in my heart... sometimes i juz hope she will soon be released from all these pain and sufferings.... even if it means the fact that i wun see her anymore... but on the other hand.. i juz cant stand the fact to lose her... it really felt like a knife stabbing into my heart.. U noe the thought of losing someone u love... forever.. really sucks..

But then again.. what can i do? i can only pray .. besides praying i really dunno what to do.. sometimes really feel quite useless.. unable to help her in any way.. only know how to cry when i see her... ... my cousin told me not to.. coz it will upset her more... so i guess i juz have to hold back my tears.. but it's gonna be hard.. esp when i actually see her suffering right in front of me.. and yet i'm doing absolutely NOTHING... Dear god... if ur hearing me.. pls release my grandma from all the pain and sufferings she's going through now.. becoz she really does not deserve it...This matter had been like bothering me on and off.. constantly on my mind... juz looking back on the days when she looks after me... teach me to sing... is enough to form a crystal in my eyes..

Sometimes cant help it but feel that life sucks.. but then again.. i cant go out everyday pulling a long face.. coz i understand that nothing changes according to my moods..things still remain the same despite a long face.. i dun like to show too much of my emotions when i'm out.. so i'm still capable to laugh ... even when i'm down.. only pple who understand me will know this...i guess... my friends who belonged to the (act strong category).. will understand fully too.. Life reallly sucks... in this phase of my life... did not really did anything exceptionally well.. in any area... In relationships... needless to say.. i failed.... In family.. maybe on a border line stage... my grandma's condition.. the quarrels within my family... the miscommunication....

For my goal... still a long way to go.. gotta overcome the softness of my voice first.. to make it more powerful... got a lot more to learn but will not give up.. and to me my guitar skills are still lousy so also a long way to go...In friendship... maybe it's the best among the worse...coz at least i found special pple in my life.....the special pple in my life are as follows....:

Siu Yuin: i do appreciate ur concern darling.... . i noe u were trying to cheer me up. juz now..i'm glad to have u in my life...glad tt our friendship can reach this stage i hope this special relationship we share will continue to blossom till the day we leave this world.. :-p... I'm sure we can right? Love ya darling.. feel free to pour me with all ur long winded stories... My ears are constantly there for u...and so are my shoulders ...feel free to lean on me.. :-p.. looking forward to our next chatting session.....more qian bian expressions k? :-p

Shemin: Thanks for ur advice.. and the time ur willing to spend to read my blog....type the comment for me.. msg me... and the long chats we had on msn... Glad that i've found u.....i hope our friendship can last for as long as possible... :-) i will be here for u too.. :-p Meet up with ya soon k... miss ya...:-p

Xiqing: Not exactly in the friendship category coz.. ur my cousin.. or shld i say ur a 2 in 1 package .. :-p a family member and a friend that comes together in one package... lucky to have u.. enjoy the times we watched movies.. and bring Bambi down for strolls...and also without u this blog will NOT be possible at all thanks for the effort u put in for this.. i may not say it verbally.. but i do appreciate it... :-p.... Love ya... cousin... see ya tmr..

Without these pple in my life... i will be in total loss...thanks buddies... glad tt i've found u guys..of course there are still pple tt have helped me before but maybe i've left them out by acccident... u know who u r... thanks for being there... :-p and also a msg to everyone... Pple dun live forever... life is very unexpected.. so Do treat pple u care about and love as best as u could.. coz u never know when is the last time u will see him/her..worst thing in life is to have regrets and the fact that u know it's ur fault that u didnt cherish that special someone u once have in ur life..

Sometimes when i see the words "No new e-mail messages" i cant help but wonder whether my message was being sent... and what r e feelings of the other party... but perhaps... that party also thought ignoration is the best remedy.. so perhaps tt's why there's no reply.... i respect the decision well at least i had my say.....unless there were some technical problems and my e-mail cant be sent.... then tt's another story...

Last but never the least..Anyone reading these.. pls say some prayers for my beloved grandma.. thks...

Cheers!

12:10:00 AM