http://s0mewhere-i-bel0ng.blogspot.com

Friday, May 26, 2006

I'm back again.. sitting here writing yet another self reflective personal journal.. well.. as usual busy with the same stuffs... haha...doing my projects .. juz completed the learning issues of the marketing project .. the attractions part is the most sian...gotta call and ask about the packages and bla bla bla... this cannot be solved by using internet.. so gotta call the customer service line in Sentosa for enquiries.. But my major headache will be Basic entrepreneurship project... so sian.. still havent find out bout the license thingy.. lao shi gave me his friend's number to ask.. but havent call yet... like so weird lor... i think it's better to call when lao shi is around? i dunno... the deadline is Monday not much time left already... :-( Anyway... went to OB yesterday evening with Joch to sign up for his dance lessons...he was quite upset about certain stuffs on the registration.... Lao shi was sick so there was no lessons yesterday.. so we juz sort of hanged around there...before proceeding to one some...helped lao shi typed some stuffs.. then he toked to his brother online .. and father using webcam .. so funny then lao shi keep sabotaging me haha... jian ye also joined in the fun :-p

It wasnt very fun also yesterday at one some.... i sang on stage once... then the rest of the time spent in the karaoke lounge inside... then dun really have much chance to sing le...two songs per table.... then gotta wait... and wait... then when it's ur turn u sing... then after the second song juz when ur voice had warmed up.. it's other pple's turn again.. so sian... i thought thursday night will be less pple... i was awfully wrong....I also chose the wrong song to sing first last night .... shldnt have chose bei dou xin as the opening song to sing... it's not an easy song to sing.. and partly because my voice havent quite warmed up yet... i didnt sing that song very well last nite so was quite upset... until someone came to me and we were engaging in some conversation and then she say my singing is nice.. haha .. it didnt really like cheer me up completely but it does helped to perk me up a little.. and to raise my confidence level a little.. it's great to hear compliments once in a while.. :-p

Then me and jiajun talked about pple who laughed at other people's singing.. i think it's really very inconsiderate to do so... i must constantly remind myself not to ever do that to anybody... it's certainly not a good feeling to be mocked by others bacause u dun sing well.. dun sing well doesnt mean u dun work hard enuff it's juz that certain things are inborn...and some pple just need more time and effort than others in order to attain the same standard of performance. it's unfair to get laughed by others for something u are borned with....

I know someone who can not only sing very well, but also good at laughing at other people's singing.. i must admit this person can really sing but i suppose that doesnt give her/him the privilege to laugh at other people.... i dun admire this type of pple no matter how well they are able to sing.... well..hope this person can put her/him self into other pple's shoes... but i doubt it.. well.. shouldnt go into details....

i went to kbox with jocha nd angeline this morning.. also not very successful coz there were some unhappiness experienced btw angeline and her bf this morning... so end up me and joch were singing the whole time.. whilst she was like hogging the phone.. sad:-( told her not to think too much.... always there for her :-p Relationships are like that... there's always ups and downs to cope with... i cant give much advice in this area .. coz quite a failer too in this aspect of my life..sadly. :-( Shall end off here now.. quite hungry le... go and grab a bite... tmr still gotta work... sianz.......... then sunday gotta rush on projects.............and tutorial homework

*I find it hard to trust not only me ... but everyone around me....**

*Can't seem to find the right direction leading towards rainbow heaven..... constantly seeking and searching for it aimlessly everyday of my life**

Cheers @ 5.00pm 26 May 2006

10:19:00 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

It been a few days since i last wrote anything here... beginning to find the workload getting heavier as the deadlines near.. there seemed to always be unfinished workfor me to worry about non-stop.. it's like everytime i finish some work... there will always be like other work remaining for me to complete.. so far it's never been liketotally completed... with ntg to worry about... even now as i'm writing this i still got untouched work chucked aside crying for my attention... haha .. I'm really tired ...gotta flu.. a blocked nose.... and a headache.. not anything too serious but enough to make me feel uncomfortable.... :-( juz wanna mention something unexpected that happened lately .... i actually received a forwarded sms from someone a few days ago.. pretty unexpected.. i think it was probably sent by accident....the content was ntg extraordinary juz one of the usual forwarded take care msgs ..didnt send another forwarded msg back like i normally would .. i wonder why..

Certain work.. is not that i purposely procrastinate it is coz i have no idea if i'm doing the right thing a not.. that's what i hate about problem based learning it totallyjuz sucks to the core... asking questions and then answering them by myself.. wonder what's the point of the tutors ...oh ya.. they are suppose to be our consultants i 'forgot'.... i guess not many student will enjoy problem based learning but of course not much of a choice... if only i got grp members who are really fantastic in this area.. but sadly i dun think so... we are all like lost sheeps searching for the correct direction that would hopefully lead to passable grades.. haha.....I dun pin too much hopes on project grades... maybe coz i lack the confidence to do so.. *sighz* i feel as though i got no one to turn to even if i'm really lost... unlike last time in secondaryschool any problem i still can ask my tuition teacher.. now...it's not the case.. there is no tuition teachers for projects so sad.. and for other subjects like applied research and club spa..even harder to seek help :-(
Grp projects has always been a major headache... coz not everyone is willing to accomodate with each other's working styles.. and certain pple juz pisses me off at times ... the improper attitude to handle a particular situation.. maybe we are all brought up in different environments tt's why... maybe some pple dun understand the art of sparing a thought for other people's feelings.. does not realise that even if ur not in a goodmood.. it's not really mature to reflect it all on ur words, appearance and actions..giving attitudes... it's juz selfish and childish to do so... it's even more unacceptable if u are planning to work in the service industry in future... i'm particularly sensitive about certain stuffs .. certain stuffs that can enable me to roughly gauge my position in that person's heart... what i mean here does not only include relationships but also friendships...
I went to one sum on friday night stayed till around 2 then leave the place with jiajun.. it was not as fun as the previous friday.... coz i gotta flu more difficult to singproperly with a blocked nose... and also the pple there were more unfriendly than the previous grp of pple there last friday.. and we also dun get to sing as much as the previous week.... and jian ye also got a cold... and Jiajun not feeling well so ended up we three all looked so shacked and tired.... not much energy to sing... unlike theprevious week.... i hope this coming week will be more fun.... :-p

Anyway.. we met up with each other again... on saturday... played pool... haha actually dun really like pool coz i'm lousy at it.. and didnt really had good experiences with itlast time too.. rem someone once taught me how to play pool too..and wasnt too patient enough for a slow learner like me... and eventually failed to cultivate any interest in me in that area... But last night although as usual still lousy in playing pool.. but the feeling was completely different from the last time i played with someone and a grp of his friends...it's def more fun playing with pple whom u enjoy hanging out with.. maybe it's really not the activities u engage in ... the more impt thing will be the pple who are around u... even if it's picking up litter... as long as it's with the grp of pple that u enjoy hanging out with.. then i guess picking up litter can be fun too.. haha :-p i guess u will noe what i mean.. hehe After jian ye, candy and lao shi left..leaving 4 of us behind... we continued chatting a while after that.. me, jiajun, jess and herfriend... oops... dun even know her name yet .. sorry.. but i really enjoyed our conversation Thanks.. pple.. :-p looking forward to the next session..it juz gives me a different feel to tok with pple older than i am... well.... if jess dun get sick that often then i guess there will be a next chatting session pretty soon haha... haha... we got a secret plan haha.. :-p From the conversation i sort of learnt a lot about certain things...learning that certain pple wear masks of pretence everywhere they went.. used certain talking methods to get the other party to reveal what he/she wanna find out....i kinda detest pretentious pple.. it juz turns me off... i mean u never know what they might sayor do each time u turn ur back on them...they are better described as the smiling tigers....or... a wolf in sheep's clothing... scary world we are living in.... Isnt it very tiring for such pple to constantly to put on a mask that does not belong to them everyday of their lives? Some pple can be so freaking fake that they can act that they are soooo "close" with u when they are in front of the person they wished to get into good books with.. and sort of like give u a cold shoulder when that person is not around to "view" the "show"... what a pity to stil be in Singapore... Hollywood movie industry really needs "talents" like these.... hahaha

Anyway..after much self reflection..I guess it's easy to get confused with ur own feelings when ur feeling down ... and needed emotional attention....as for me i got a much clearer picture of everything now:-p But there will always be certain times of the month when i will need more emotional attention again and i will start imaginingridiculous things again.... haha... it's always during certain periods of time when i really needed someone to turn to..a shoulder to cry on, to give me the form of support that i always wanted...i can be considered as quite needy emotionally during that time haha..esp if unhappy things happened to me.For me...only during this time, i will hope to find a special someone to depend on..but on other times... when i read the news about... extra marital affairs.. husband beats wife up.. husbands cheat on wives... and seeing my friends quarrelling with theirbfs/gfs.. then i juz thought i will be better of being single.. haha but perhaps it all depends on my hormones.. i believe when it comes to certain periods of time for females..i guess it's not uncommon to feel emotionally insecure during these periods ....

Tomorrow gotta wear the chef uniform again.. sianz................... tomorrow making salads.. n i gotta rush to work immediately after class...working at 6...oh gosh.. all the way till around 11... then got early 9 o'clock class on tuesday.. may god bless me... i will surely be freaking tired tt day...
*Admiring someone and making a lifetime promise together is entirely different :-p**

*To try everyday to see the best in others to build bridges instead of walls.. :-p**

*To avoid being used by people who love putting on "masks" everyday of their lives**

*To treasure my friends and family everyday of my life**

**Ah ma... ni ji shi cai neng hao qi lai.. hao xiang nian yi qian de ni.. yong yuan ai ni... **

Cheers!!!

8:36:00 PM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Another hard day at school.... oh gosh..i need a break...let me proceed on to the activities that took place these days...On Monday... i had my Culinary science lesson asusual.. we finally cooked something.... i cooked roast chicken, boiled potatoes and carrots. I think it was edible it's juz that i forgot to put paprika on the chicken hence it turned out to be quite pale looking... but i wasnt too bad haha maybe it's coz i was hungry... i especially liked my boiled potatoes.... haha... hungry people find all food types tasty i guess..haha :-p The chef will check on us on and off.. to make sure we are doing the right thing.. one of them kept asking me if i was ok.... is everything ok ? etc... i guess i juz have that blur look on my face... it's mostly because i feel very tired.. i always ended up sleeping late on Sunday nights i wonder why...

On Tuesday, i had to wear formal again.. :-( sucks man.. then we had this tutor observation... of all days had to be yesterday... oh gosh juz when i was wearing the wrong shoes... i have been pretty obedient for the past 2 weeks with my formal wear.. even brought shoes to change..but she didnt conduct a check... and juz when i was slacking a little and decided to wear more comfy shoes for a change .. there was a check conducted... oh gosh what luck! Do u have any idea how hot it's lik to walk ard Sentosa with a formal blazor and uncomfortable shoes on? It totally sucks big time... hopefully i will get the hang of it soon...

On a lighter note... i met up with my old classmates.. Linda and Angeline (Mary) for dinner after lesson... my lesson ended early at around 5... we waited for Angeline until 6 then we went to the Seah im food centre for our dinner... we had fun reminscing on the past like e elderly haha.. and basically catching up with each other.. and mostly talking about crap... haha :-p it was fun though... toking to them again juz reminds me of last time in TP when we were still in the same class.. :-p can never turn back time though... and also cant change the fact that we are all in different classes... so juz have to live with it!....we chatted over dinner.. and i sort of forget that i got guitar lesson to attend at 7... we left at around 715... reach OB around 730... coz of the wating time for the train....as usual... sing and play guitar with the rest.. when i reached... quite fun... but still having problems trying to get the key right for a particular song....haha glad that lao shi finally helped me write the chords for the 2 songs i requested... :-p but still owe me one..I reached home around 10... did my marketing thingy on the com... was actually planning to go to bed.. it was already one... then received a msg from rina.. saying i have to hand in the first draft for Basic Entrepreneurship today.. oh gosh.. that really strucked me... i turned on my pc again and started doing all the way till 215... then toss and turn and have no idea what time i slept exactly yesterday... but i noe i was really tired today........I stayed in school till around 4 plus had a slight tummy ache..was suppose to wait for Angeline but i didnt so sorry girl... then headed for home.. n here i am now... sitting here writing this ..i was toking to one of my new classmates today at the bustop...and she totally agreed with me on the fact tt TP is better.. be it... the pple... the facilities..temp etc..it's not that pple at TAS is bad it's juz that everything seems black and white when not all ur close buddies are around.. that's what we implied... i mean if all ur closefriends all end up in the same class as u.. then studying in Sentosa wouldnt be that bad..coz only change in environment.. but not the pple... but now these two major factors have sort of changed drastically...

Pple might think it's lucky to study in Sentosa... coz Sentosa in people's perception is usually a fun and lively place... but it's really juz like any other school u can find everywhere only difference is it's ... located in a tourist attraction .. which only served to add on to the inconvenience of students.... (the 2 buses thingy)...seriously after these weeks... i've never been to any other part of Sentosa except for the school.... ok fine at most go to the SubWay located few stops away from school.... so if anyone think that We students of TAS know Sentosa inside out.. then think again... we are probably not... coz our favourite colour is Blue... as wear e forced to take the BLUE LINE almost everyday of our lives for a freaking one year.... haha

If u suggest me to go and visit other parts of Sentosa during the breaks.. then i will tell u it's technically impossible because all my breaks are one hour breaks..i will be happy enuff to have sufficient time to eat outside of TAS (Students who study there shld noe why).. in juz one short hour.... and if u suggest i go after school then maybe not.. coz usually so tired everyday after school juz wanna head home to rest.. furthermore.. the projects and assignments are sort of killing me softly... the workload is so much heavier than in year one... shucks............

I must learn the art of taking it easy.... but sometimes i feel so helpless and breathless.. coz i'm always like the last to know about deadlines and everything.... can't blame it on anyone else except for myself... i admit i'm careless... i need a guardian angel in school to help me along the way.... ok fine .. i noe it's wishful thinking , there will never be someone who will really care for u, ur work and projects unconditionally... but i've had this thought ever since i came to poly... because it's more independent learning.. the tutors here dun care whether u submit or not... it's ur choice... tt's why i always had this secret thinking to find someone who will help me along the way... reminding me of deadlines... help me with projects.... guide me.. provide me with advice... etc.. but it's not possible.... everyone has got their own workload to worry about... so juz a dream la.. dun read too much into it ... haha :-p i got wild imagination.. tt's why.. maybe i'm feeling too shacked that's why keep wanting to find someone to depend on, to help me with my school work, my life...n perhaps other aspects in my life... basically having someone whenever uneed someone..

* When I tried to speak up, felt like no one could hear me, I wanted so badly to belong here, but I can sense that something's so wrong here..**

* At times I felt as though I'm forced to fake a smile everyday of my life, maybe that's wat everyone else does in this world*

*I felt like running away to a place, free of worries and troubles.. filled with music, happiness and joy...**

Will someone get me OUT of here, PLEASE!!!

Cheers!

10:05:00 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

It's been days since i last posted anything.. needless to say.. i've been really busy lately.. school.. work and guitar...tomorrow got culinary science lesson again shucks!.. i hate it .. because of the strict dress code.... tomorrow we will be starting actual cooking.. i think i'm going to burn down the kitchen..haha have to wake up early tomorrow again sighs........i'm not a good cook to be honest.. hehe.. but i will learn .. :-p

I was intending to go to "one sum" after work on thursday.. but i was too tired to do so... so i went home instead... i wanna recharge my energy level on thursday night by sleeping earlier.. so as to stay out late on Friday...i went after 12 hours of work... on Friday night.. i figured that i need to relax n destress a little after working for such long hours..coz singing does helps a lot in my case.. i never let myself off on public holidays .. coz of the rare 1.5 more pay as usual .. so no matter how tired i tell myself i MUST work on that day.. and the day before (Thursday)... so as to get the 1.5... (tt's how the system works there... gotta work on the holiday eve... so as toget 1.5) sighz.. hate this system.. made me work on Thursday and as a result i missed my friends' mini performance at OB on Thursay night..Lao shi called me in the afternoon to tell me about the performance..he was funny told me about how the nurse "molested " him during his check up.. he finally went for a check up.. although not a full one.. but it's better than nothing... gotta get the rest to bug him to go for a full check up.. to be safe... :-p

I met up with Zen at the station .. and we walked to One Sum together.. as usual singing all the way... haha :-p... i was actually feeling so shacked tt night... but it's funny for me.. no matter how shacked and drained i can be, as long as u give me a chance to hold the mic and sing .. i will feel all energetic.. haha... even more energetic when i noe strangers can hear my singing as well hahaha ... but i will be juz as happy if the room was empty leaving the 3 of us.. then we can sing all we want non stop with no interruption... hahah :-p... tt night it was not bad except for a few interruptions.. coz there were customers there... but they allowed us to sing more than them haha... It gives a form of satisfaction when ... during the time when ur singing pple turn and look at u.. to find out who's singing... it's not difficult to sense that :-p when pple turn and look, there's only 2 possibilities.. it's either u sound like a toad croaking.. or u sound not bad.. i hope i belong to the second category haha.. :-p

One of the customers asked me to sing duet with him.. haha... we sung a few... but i dun think our voices blend... although his friends clapped to cheer him on.. hahait was fun though... trying to catch his pitch to blend in when doing the harmonising part.. not very successful but the trying part was fun.. haha. Well, there's always lots of room for improvement.. it's never enough...... i must constantly remind myself never to feel complacent.. coz if ever i did i will never improve...After lao shi's and xiao gu's performance, we went to eat steamboat.. i'm not very hungry so juz drank the soup and eat some mushrooms ... anyway it was lao shi's treat...wanted to pay him but he say it's ok... :-p after eating it's already like soooo late .. we headed for home.. and that spells the end of activities on Friday. On Saturday i went ot work again at one...work work work... until 10 then went to meet up with Zen and Jiajun.. coz Jiajun say he dun wanna be the 'light bulb' coz Zen's gf was also there... so he say will be more fun if i tag along.. then at least he wun be alone.. haha tt user..hahaha i met up with them at Cine.. at the pool centre saw Eddie's brother.. Edward there... haha juz saw him earlier on when he dropped by at Raffles.. a bubbly little boy... then we headed off for supper ... i was quite full so atea little and had a drink..the curry incident was soo funny..during supper.. haha.. then gotta send Zen's gf home first before we headed to his house to practise guitar and singing together... :-p It was quite fun actually we were in the midst of singing when his gf called.. then they started quarrelling... and guess what one of the reasons why they quarrelled is because of me ..oh gosh. can't believe it... his gf complained tt we were too close.. i asked Jiajun after that becoz will be more accurate since he's an outsider in this situation... he say no la.. the gf think too much... Apparently she was jealous.. it's kinda really unexpected and crazy because tt night i was practically toking to Jiajun the whole time... i only joked around with Zen once in a while...i mean we always did when we toked .. haha... the usual teasing and stuffs like that..but tt time i didnt really joked as much with him . I juz think that she's quite possesive from the things she said...feel sorry for her ..constantly jealous... so many complaints about Zen.. feel sad for my friend as well... Jiajun also agreed with me...we toked in the cab yesterday... and we both agreed that she's really a bit over possessive n insecure....She interrupted our singing session.. n we had to stop halfway.. Jiajun and i was like half sleeping .. trying very hard to keep ourselves awake.... all this ended after Zen's hp battery went flat... then we continued our singing session.... until around 4 plus then we left his house...Jiajun sent me home as promised.. thanks to him :-p i think we will probably be meeting up next Saturday as well.. but this time w/o his gf... looking at his situation it leaves me to think that sometimes being single isnt really a bad thing... looking forward to our next guitar session.. it was always such fun... the "recording" session even more hilarious... esp tt Jiajun hahahaa... never fail to make me laugh haha.. dunno record how many with his toking voice in it .. haha ....:-p We must all Jia you together.. :-p Guess i shall end here... now..basically i've summarized the activities i've been through these days... :-p today i woke up at eleven did my homework... but gotta go do the CS project now.. sians.... search for salad recipes... such crap... :-( later meeting with my sister n mummy for dinner i guesss.. it's been ages since i last saw my sister......

** I have to work for my goals, knowing they can be achieved somehow... and to reach my dreams with ability, determination, passion and belief**

*I guess it's not what it seemed to be... it was juz mere idolizing with a tinge of infatuation...n ntg else.. **

*A hectic lifestyle does cloud thoughts...deters me from looking back into the past.... and forces me to look forward...**

*Ive longed became yet another stranger in ur life**

** However, I longed to live in a World Without Strangers...**

Cheers!!!

10:54:00 PM

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Had a hard and tough day today, really tiring.. guess i'm gonna hate Mondays in future (gotta wear the thick chef uniform) and probably Tuesdays too...(gotta wear formal to Sentosa). I woke up at 5.15am today.. coz gotta go to school early juz in case i cant wear the damn uniform on time.. gotta assemble at 8am sharp.The first bus to Sentosa was at 7am.. we reached at around 6 plus we took the cab in the end....

Putting on the neckerchief is a very big challenge... but the biggest challenge will be to put away all baby hair away into the chef hat.. i did almost everything, put gel,wear 2 hair nets... tie.... such a hard work... i'm already perspiring like a pig before the lesson even started... gosh... ! i cant tell u how much i hate it... juz as u tried urbest to put those irritating hair away.. only to realise that the experienced chefs there have like more crumpled uniforms then u do.. and more baby hair sticking outof their hats... so ironic right? They stressed so much on all the neatness crap and some of them never really set a really good example.. not all ... but some..And to make matters worse... the temperature contrast is drastic as usual... it's so burning.. and i really meant burning hot outside... but it's freaking freaking cold in the kitchen.. havent been to such a cold kitchen before ....

Furthermore, the food there SUCKS!.. maybe it's becoz there's only like ONE PATHETIC food stall there... the most convenient one for us.. there is like no competition unless if u have longer breaks then can go out of TAS to eat more edible food... but all my breaks are only one hour.. if ever wanna go out and eat it will be really rush.The canteen area is burning hot too... can like sun tan whilst ur eating... the sun is able to get through the translucent shelters situated there... it's the worse school canteen ever... lousy structure.. lousy food.. limited choices of everything.. food ... drinks... etc... OH GOSH.... I really really MISS TP like crazy.. not juz the food alone butpractically EVERYTHING.... the com lab.... the photocopy services.. the big library..... the temperature there is also not as drastic as in TAS.. and the location is convenient.Being that i dun have to take the 2 compulsory buses into the school everyday... to and fro everyday..

It's funny how i only treasure the facilities in TP... after i'm force to forgo these facilities for a year.... i feel like i'm in for national service... tough training... packedtime table on a hot island... with lousy food... then for culinary science we are being checked in the mornings on our uniform, hair and fingernails.. etc.. really like army....Maybe it's human nature.. we only realise the worth of certain things only after we lost it... :-( I also really missed my old classmates in year one.. like crazy..the feeling is totally different from newly made friends in my new class... and there are some i mean some... unfriendly ones.. when u tok to them.. they give u those kind of blank look and then walk away pretending that u did not spoke to them.... :-( saddening... i hate it when i made the first move to engage in small talk with astranger.. but that person juz totally ignored ur efforts to be friends... i mean at least smile.. or reply a short reply la.. like "ok".. "oh i see".. etc.. this is basic courtesy... it's totally rude to totally act as though the person did not speak to u.. when the person juz did... :-(" Dun do to others.. what u dun wan others to do to u" hope the person understand this....well it happened to me today in the kitchen.. with who i should not mention any names here...well i had a really bad, tedious and tiring day today... :-( It's not i didnt try to make friends.. but u noe it takes 2 hands to clap... muz i always be the one to make the first move? *sighz*

I juz finished doing my a/cs tutorial.... wanna try to do more work today coz tomorrow will be going for guitar lessons... this week only got time to go once :-(coz this friday is public holiday... as usual i will be working full coz got 1.5.. more pay.. and in order to get that 1.5 i gotta work on the previous day which is Thursday... so gotta rush off to work after school on Thursday... so cant go for the thursday guitar lesson as well :-(.. not that i wanna miss it... it's juz that i need money.. my dog need sit for check up and grooming services... gotta pay for all these... and hopefully save up to buy a new guitar.. i think new guitar gotta wait... le.. :-( I envy those pple who can rest at home during public holidays.. while i juz cant afford to... :-( i used to look forward to public holidays in secondary school... but now it doesnt make a difference to me.... last time public holiday equals to rest and slack day.. but now it's different ... public holiday equals to working day... andnon-public holiday equals to schooling day... sianz...:-(.. besides guitar really ntg much to look forward to.....

But sadly, sighing doesnt help the situation .. but one thing i'm sure of is.. i'm really very tired..and have been neglecting my darling Bambi these days...not that i dun love her anymore.. it's juz that everytime i get home.. feel too tired to bring her down for her walks.. and i'm seldom at home to accompany her... this sunday i finally got an off-day.. to bring her for grooming... :-p.. to check out her skin condition... etc..

On a lighter note, something happier to mention.. i slept at around 1 plus yesterday...getting only 4 hrs of sleep as a result... i stayed up so late to play my guitar..suddenly gotta mood, feelings and inspiration to create a melody for a song.. actually it's juz changing the way of singing of that song.. retaining the chords and lyrics..for the time being.. i havent pen any good lyrics that are worth of any recognition.. juz some scribbles here and there... so i juz focus on changing the melody ofexisting songs for now.. so as to practise to create my very own songs in the near future... hopefully soon.. :-p I changed the tune of one chinese song yesterday ..hehe by the name of " ai shi ni yen li de yi shou qing ge".... i changed until the style quite different from the original version haha .. :-p..quite glad of it actually haha .. :-pbut lao shi will probably laugh if he hears it... so not gonna let him hear it yet haha... :-p he better hurry up help me find out more bout the pub... hehe

*Maybe, ... we could be more than juz amazing?***Maybe, ... I'm a dreamer, i juz wish to believe in the impossible, maybe believing in something does makes one happier.. even if u noe it's never possible? ***Maybe, ... I shld juz stop these nonsense...??? And perhaps bid it with the sweetest goodbye???**

08-05-06

9.45pm

Cheers!

12:29:00 AM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

It's been a long day today... havent blogged for the past days.. had a late night out for the past 2 days.. slept for 3 hrs plus yesterday.. and worked for 12 hours today.. from 10am to 10pm.. really exhausting... nearly fell asleep while doing stock today....needed to go and wash my face to keep myself awake....it sucks to work when u only have 3 hrs of sleep the night before... And then thought lao shi will bring me some crab or something.. but later said he rushing will get it some other day... tt king kong ar.. getting more and more 'hao lian' haha... i will get the crab from him one day... :-p... need his help to find out abt that pub.... hope he will lend a hand .... :-p

Last night, gotta accompany lao shi send his fan home... there was a conflict whether to send me home first or her.. she insisted to send me home first... lao shi say she's drunk so send her home first...i feel she was trying real hard to get rid of me.... but in the end we sent her home first..... guess the conflict caused who to have the biggest headache??... it's the taxi driver uncle!... no prize for correct answer... haha.. he was real confused... dunno go which place first.... my deepest sympathy for him... haha... :-p i was also the second victim.. coz was sort of made to sit between the 2 of them.. haha...

On Thursday night we had great fun.. a stranger treated us with free heneiken worth 109 bucks... free drinks and room for us.. the karaoke room was like only for us.. we sang our hearts and lungs out.. it was real fun... we were prob in luck that day...But there is this middle aged uncle that hugged lao shi telling him that he liked a girl very much... who is one of the waitresses working there..he told lao shi he was very upset.... about this matter etc.... it's really upsetting to have feelings for someone... knowing that the feelings will never be mutual... more upsetting is when u know u can blame no one except ur own foolishness... for falling into something which provides no possible returns...knowing the feelings will nv be reciprocated. and yet fall into it willingly.... i guess what's meant to be ... will be, what's not .. it wun be... relationships is more abt fate..w/o this impt element... ntg will be possible... but u probably shouldnt hear me harping on these senseless relationship beliefs coz i'm a failure in relationships
myself..

Btw, That night we took lots of pictures too..hope i will get a digital camera soon... it was fun.. but friday night wasnt as good... it was damn crowded... and we cant have the room to ourselves... luckily i had company or else will be real bored.. but managed to sing like 10 songs... continuously.. hahaa... played a short verse while lao shi sang.... after the pub close... :-p... hehe:-p

well shall keep this short.. very tired today totally drained.. i need to sleep... hibernate... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. gotta complete my tutorial and start on individual assignments tomorrow....
dun really look forward to monday... got the culinary science lesson.. oh no.. havent got the hair net.. yet.. shucks!!!!!

**Constantly imagining the impossible.. seeing images beyond reality... let this be like a song.. a memory imprinted in mind.. hopefully when the music gradually fades so will the feelings...**

Brenda Copyright

11.55am

06-05-06

Cheers!

10:15:00 PM

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's been a while since i last posted something here.. been real busy these days... with school, with work, with guitar .... i guess i will get even more busy as time goesby as the assignments and projects pile up.. and when the deadlines are getting near... kinda scary to think about it.. :-(

Well.. had a general glimpse of my new classmates in this semester..one word about them.. majority of them are quiet pple... i guess i'm not always a sociable person at all times..at times i can talk to practically everyone in sight... whether i noe them or i dun... but these days in school.. i juz dun get the urge to try to break into conversation with the pple in my class.. some of them does looked hostile.. n unapproachable.. But it's different when i'm in OB... i can tok to practically everyone there as long as they want to :-).... But when i'm in Sentosa.. at most times i juz wish to be alone.. it's weird and so unlike me ... i think i need to see a shrink on regards to my spilt personality.. :-(....Today i took the 2 feeder buses alone out of Sentosa to the bus terminal.. the first time in these 2 weeks that i took these 2 buses alone.. saw one of my classmates ... should have said a Hi or at least smiled..but i juz dun have the mood to do so.. i wonder y... nothing against that person really.... I sat on the bus reflecting on my personality and behavior...which leaves me to wonder.. which one is the real me? the bubbly..humourous.. lame individual? or is it all juz a front?or am i actually unfriendly.. serious .. boring...at heart? i couldnt come out with an answer.. becoz. i behave differently at different times... periods.. depending on location... environment.. many factors both external and internal that affect me.. guess i'm easily affected most by the environment i'm in....I kinda missed my old classmates in year 1... my dearest Mary...(Angeline)..(wanna thank her for taking the time to draw me my time-table... thanks for remembering my Bambi Logo hehe:-p ... will indeed miss u not only during the breaks but always ... hahaha:-p dun too hao lian hor) Linda.. (my all time project and study buddy... missed her too) Joch.. ( red lobster face? what else more to say? hahaha:-p ) Although i still see them around in school... but it's easy to sense the difference when u dun share the same class.. schedule different... less time to eat together...unlike the past.. guess we will gradually drift apart day after day... under such circumstances...tt's life...now gotta get used to my new class....do i have a choice?heya...I saw my lao shi , me and gang on tv yesterday already... hahahah :-p....i think everyone looked great except me haha... i looked so blur and out of place tt day....shucks..i waited till 1230 to watch it.. coz they repeated another programme before that.(how could channel U do that when they state there so clearly there's a repeat at 12am.. that's like lying to viewers lor.) me and my friend were like smsing each other to keep each other awake whilst waiting for the repeat to start...Lao shi didnt get to watch it too bad he's working during both times when the show is aired ... repeat also cant watch.... but i got my friend to help me record it i wonder if it can be played on Lao shi's computer at OB.. coz it's in DVD format.. dunno can a not... hope it works... :-p Going for lessons tomorrow too :-p jiahui bringing her guitar along... hurray!.... not like OB dun have guitar it's juz tt i dun like playing on classical guitar.. i wonder when will i be able to rightfully own a brand new good quality guitar ? i wan something like jiajun's and lao shi's guitar... but too bad short of cash.. still need to bring Bambi for grooming .. and check-up ... i think i gotta slowly save up for a new guitar already... maybe until next year? my birthday then i get one for myself haha...and hopefully by then can afford a good digital camera for me to take pictures...too :-p...the 2 most wanted items on my list ...i will get it one day *you yi tian wo hui*.. i will work hard for it.. :-p i start school at one on friday... i was wondering if i shld catch lao shi and Fion's performance tomorrow night i will see how it goes.. juz dun quite like the arrogant boss there...he walks with his head up... and no matter how many times u visit the place he doesnt smile to u, he doesnt say hi..... really lacking of good service qualities... i think he needs to come to Sentosa sit together with me next semester during Service lesson... he badly needs it... but to put it in another way he only treat u well if u are a customer with strong spending power.. tt's how practical he is... :-( who's money more.. he will go where lor... materialistic A%^@~^%... and constantly wanna go up on stage to sing...haiz i rem once i listen to him until i fell into dreamland.. was about to snore hahahaha.. everytime he sang i never once clapped... Btw...I gave lao shi the addresses already yesterday when i was at OB... it's now all up to himto make an appointment... :-p... but i noe he will surely drag and drag..coz he still got some medicine to see him thru these few days..gotta nag at him.. push him to do it asap because he stil owe me some songs... and chords...so he better get well soon.. then he will hav no excuses not to give them to me...:-p hahaha

Oh and i juz realised one thing.. i have NO complete off day ... mon to fri daytime in school... night time... mostly at OB ... Sat to Sun working... usually full or half shift... ] sighz.sad right?.. tired.. but gotta try my best to earn as much as possible.. before my projects and assignments become too busy until i cant work then at least still got some excess cash to spend, during the period in which i stop work temporarily for projects... Sometimes i really admire those students tt can study full time without having to worry about not enough cash .... dun have the need to work part-time... can concentrate fully on school and stuffs they liked... for me i juz have to forgo my sleeping hours in order to get the cash... and at the same time catch up with school work.. n engaging in the stuffs i love .. (guitar) I guess life's never fair right from the start..it's a harsh reality to face.. juz have to focus on what i have instead.. to stay happier..but have to admit for all these years.. i havent been a lucky person in some areas... esp relationships.. :-(... misunderstandings... miscommunication.. difference in opinions..it's really tough to find someone tt really connects with u at heart... even harder to find someone who loves u as much as u love him...u noe it's most wonderful when both parties felt the same way for each other.. i think tt's rare..or is it juz rare to me? Maybe it might never happen to someone like me... i dunno... juz wish it will happen one fine day.... :-p

Well..Been thinking hard about which business i wish to venture in.. with regards to my project on Basic entrepreneurship.. i think it's real difficult.. to write a proposal..esp when i know absolutely nothing about setting up a business... that have the real facts.. and genuine qualities to convince and persuade.. gotta know.. the target market.... the figures.. estimation.. etc... SHUCKS! GoSH!... somebody pls get me out of this ... :-(

i paid attention during marketing tutorial class today.. and tutor told us about business life in the real world... politics...how pple back stabbed each other.... gain credit that dun belong to them..... the selfishness of colleagues... who is constantly afraid u might outshine them.. and get a promotion or increment...On hearing this juz make me drat to step into the business world... Life will be even more upsetting then... I guess juz gotta treasure who and what i have now..i dun wish to start regretting only after i lose them.. it's painful.. oh no wrote quite long today.... hehe guess shall end here for now...BTw enjoyed the guitar and singing session i had with my cousin yesterday and today...in fact we juz finished it haha :-p... may she dream about the song tonight..haha:-p

*I prefer to leave certain things unsaid.. but tt really doesnt mean i dun feel anything for it***I guess some things are meant to be left unsaid... maybe ambiguity is best in some situations***Learning the art of wave catching*

May my grandma get well soon... :-p oh and lao shi too haha :-p

05-05-06

9.06am

Cheers!

11:48:00 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

Okie..guess what i had diarrhoea last night aft i finished blogging should be indigestion of eating too much at one time... i fully understand how lao shi feel now.. for having it for so many days...haha. luckily for me i felt better in the morning.... went to work today as usual.. didnt expect to work with the other 2 part timers today...thought that at least there will be like at least one full timer.. but full timer.. only came at around 5... coz one of the part timers gotta leave early...Tomorrow gotta bring my chords file to work.. coz he wants to exchange chords with me haha..he better bring his tomorrow or else dun lend him mine haha i let them listen to some of lao shi's songs juz now.... they say it's not bad.. haha... coz we were sort of talking about guitar .. guitar lessons etc...

Well.... was happy to meet up with my darling Siu yuin today.. after work.. as usual she's late haha.. change location already still late aiyoh!... wu yao ke jiu...We sat at the kopitiam.. then realised it's so hot and stuffy there... esp after we finished our tea.. from tt act Ang Moh uncle stall haha .. Siu yuin so pissed off with him but the tea was nice.. but turn a bit too sweet towards the end... but i gotta sweet tooth so it's fine with me ... :-p... but i enjoyed company with my darling haha.. i'm glad that things are fine between she and her friend... :-p... Well... but tt notti siu yuin was busy suaning me for the entire time juz now... haha.. suaning me on what i will not say.. it's confidential btw only me and her.. haha :-p But we had a great time together... :-p although sort of accidentally let out a little secret of mine.. heheshhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....btw Siu yuin, u are not as smart as u thought u were.. hahahahahhaha :-p Looking forward to our next meeting.... :-p

Maybe everything is juz a passing phase... shouldnt read too much into anything.... i shall juz let nature take it's course ... Coz i'm afraid tt the deeper i fall into it the harder it is to climb out from it...But constantly i always imagine the impossible... so guess it's juz part of me... I guess all humans do.. but maybe it was juz a state of confusion.. in my current emotional state.. maybe due to some mood swings caused by PMS ... i guess tt's probably the reason.... But i guess i'll juz hang around and see how everything goes....I guess i think of it all as a Beautiful disaster.. :-p haha...

Okie guess tt's all... still gotta work tomorrow at MW.. oh gosh.... i'm truly not looking forward to wearing formal wear to Sentosa on tuesday.. from 9 to 6.. n then rushing for guitar lessons straight after that.. i will be damn tired tt day for sure....

1-5-06

1.24am

Cheers!

10:40:00 AM