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Sunday, May 21, 2006

It been a few days since i last wrote anything here... beginning to find the workload getting heavier as the deadlines near.. there seemed to always be unfinished workfor me to worry about non-stop.. it's like everytime i finish some work... there will always be like other work remaining for me to complete.. so far it's never been liketotally completed... with ntg to worry about... even now as i'm writing this i still got untouched work chucked aside crying for my attention... haha .. I'm really tired ...gotta flu.. a blocked nose.... and a headache.. not anything too serious but enough to make me feel uncomfortable.... :-( juz wanna mention something unexpected that happened lately .... i actually received a forwarded sms from someone a few days ago.. pretty unexpected.. i think it was probably sent by accident....the content was ntg extraordinary juz one of the usual forwarded take care msgs ..didnt send another forwarded msg back like i normally would .. i wonder why..

Certain work.. is not that i purposely procrastinate it is coz i have no idea if i'm doing the right thing a not.. that's what i hate about problem based learning it totallyjuz sucks to the core... asking questions and then answering them by myself.. wonder what's the point of the tutors ...oh ya.. they are suppose to be our consultants i 'forgot'.... i guess not many student will enjoy problem based learning but of course not much of a choice... if only i got grp members who are really fantastic in this area.. but sadly i dun think so... we are all like lost sheeps searching for the correct direction that would hopefully lead to passable grades.. haha.....I dun pin too much hopes on project grades... maybe coz i lack the confidence to do so.. *sighz* i feel as though i got no one to turn to even if i'm really lost... unlike last time in secondaryschool any problem i still can ask my tuition teacher.. now...it's not the case.. there is no tuition teachers for projects so sad.. and for other subjects like applied research and club spa..even harder to seek help :-(
Grp projects has always been a major headache... coz not everyone is willing to accomodate with each other's working styles.. and certain pple juz pisses me off at times ... the improper attitude to handle a particular situation.. maybe we are all brought up in different environments tt's why... maybe some pple dun understand the art of sparing a thought for other people's feelings.. does not realise that even if ur not in a goodmood.. it's not really mature to reflect it all on ur words, appearance and actions..giving attitudes... it's juz selfish and childish to do so... it's even more unacceptable if u are planning to work in the service industry in future... i'm particularly sensitive about certain stuffs .. certain stuffs that can enable me to roughly gauge my position in that person's heart... what i mean here does not only include relationships but also friendships...
I went to one sum on friday night stayed till around 2 then leave the place with jiajun.. it was not as fun as the previous friday.... coz i gotta flu more difficult to singproperly with a blocked nose... and also the pple there were more unfriendly than the previous grp of pple there last friday.. and we also dun get to sing as much as the previous week.... and jian ye also got a cold... and Jiajun not feeling well so ended up we three all looked so shacked and tired.... not much energy to sing... unlike theprevious week.... i hope this coming week will be more fun.... :-p

Anyway.. we met up with each other again... on saturday... played pool... haha actually dun really like pool coz i'm lousy at it.. and didnt really had good experiences with itlast time too.. rem someone once taught me how to play pool too..and wasnt too patient enough for a slow learner like me... and eventually failed to cultivate any interest in me in that area... But last night although as usual still lousy in playing pool.. but the feeling was completely different from the last time i played with someone and a grp of his friends...it's def more fun playing with pple whom u enjoy hanging out with.. maybe it's really not the activities u engage in ... the more impt thing will be the pple who are around u... even if it's picking up litter... as long as it's with the grp of pple that u enjoy hanging out with.. then i guess picking up litter can be fun too.. haha :-p i guess u will noe what i mean.. hehe After jian ye, candy and lao shi left..leaving 4 of us behind... we continued chatting a while after that.. me, jiajun, jess and herfriend... oops... dun even know her name yet .. sorry.. but i really enjoyed our conversation Thanks.. pple.. :-p looking forward to the next session..it juz gives me a different feel to tok with pple older than i am... well.... if jess dun get sick that often then i guess there will be a next chatting session pretty soon haha... haha... we got a secret plan haha.. :-p From the conversation i sort of learnt a lot about certain things...learning that certain pple wear masks of pretence everywhere they went.. used certain talking methods to get the other party to reveal what he/she wanna find out....i kinda detest pretentious pple.. it juz turns me off... i mean u never know what they might sayor do each time u turn ur back on them...they are better described as the smiling tigers....or... a wolf in sheep's clothing... scary world we are living in.... Isnt it very tiring for such pple to constantly to put on a mask that does not belong to them everyday of their lives? Some pple can be so freaking fake that they can act that they are soooo "close" with u when they are in front of the person they wished to get into good books with.. and sort of like give u a cold shoulder when that person is not around to "view" the "show"... what a pity to stil be in Singapore... Hollywood movie industry really needs "talents" like these.... hahaha

Anyway..after much self reflection..I guess it's easy to get confused with ur own feelings when ur feeling down ... and needed emotional attention....as for me i got a much clearer picture of everything now:-p But there will always be certain times of the month when i will need more emotional attention again and i will start imaginingridiculous things again.... haha... it's always during certain periods of time when i really needed someone to turn to..a shoulder to cry on, to give me the form of support that i always wanted...i can be considered as quite needy emotionally during that time haha..esp if unhappy things happened to me.For me...only during this time, i will hope to find a special someone to depend on..but on other times... when i read the news about... extra marital affairs.. husband beats wife up.. husbands cheat on wives... and seeing my friends quarrelling with theirbfs/gfs.. then i juz thought i will be better of being single.. haha but perhaps it all depends on my hormones.. i believe when it comes to certain periods of time for females..i guess it's not uncommon to feel emotionally insecure during these periods ....

Tomorrow gotta wear the chef uniform again.. sianz................... tomorrow making salads.. n i gotta rush to work immediately after class...working at 6...oh gosh.. all the way till around 11... then got early 9 o'clock class on tuesday.. may god bless me... i will surely be freaking tired tt day...
*Admiring someone and making a lifetime promise together is entirely different :-p**

*To try everyday to see the best in others to build bridges instead of walls.. :-p**

*To avoid being used by people who love putting on "masks" everyday of their lives**

*To treasure my friends and family everyday of my life**

**Ah ma... ni ji shi cai neng hao qi lai.. hao xiang nian yi qian de ni.. yong yuan ai ni... **

Cheers!!!

8:36:00 PM