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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I hate the idea of waking up early again...so tired .. *yawns*.........have less than 8 hours of sleep every night... :-( maybe that's why feeling very lethargic during lessons these days... i fell asleep during a/cs lecture, during culinary briefing.... i juz cant control my eyelids... lessons are sooo boring... :-(

Feeling.... down... as i'm unable to visit my grandma yesterday due to schooling reasons...:-( my mother said she lost weight again... i know that she is suffering now.. but all i can do is juz watch...

this week i dun have much time to go back to hai die for lessons... due to projects and school stuffs...so sad... :-(

JJ rocks... i enjoyed his concert soooo much...he's really an all rounder.... no denying it man....
a role-model ....the concert showcases all his talents beautifully....he's really musically inclined.. enjoyed his version of my favourite Jay chou song "Hei se you mou" and another song .. " ai xiao yen jing" and "heal the world"... wanna go find the chords for ai xiao yen jing.... it's totally great...

JJ's got the ability to transform an ordinary song into a beautiful song .... using his voice to illustrate images in people's minds about the contents of the song.... :-p

Sometimes i'm pretty confused about my own feelings.... and i grow to wonder what's the difference between mere friendship, infatuation and relationships... love? But im sure of a basic component in these 3 terms.... the parties involved must be able to be comfortable with each other's presence.

Maybe there is no definite definition for terms like these......I dun think i'm worthy to talk about what relationships are all about.... coz i dun even know it myself...i'm probably at the pre-mature stage in learning what is it all about.... haha...

I heard many stories...some good some bad... envious of the good relationship stories i heard from others.....it's difficult or i would say extremely difficult to find someone who really connects with u emotionally n at the same time..u have special feelings for that person and also having him/her to feel the same way as u do.... tt will probably be a bliss..:-p ... looking at blissful compatible couples juz make it seems that it's not that difficult afterall... but to me it is still a challenge ....well.... juz a passing thought..... tt's all.....

I leave it all to fate...

*Does feelings fade after time goes by?*

*Juz an individual... in a confused state of mind... not knowing what i wan... unsure of how i feel*

*A meadow placed right in front of a lost horse... the horse feels nauseous, confused.....as the horse had felt so sick, so down, so disppointed after eating this patch of meadow previously for the past few times..**

*Forming words is as easy as ABC... but putting these words into action requires perserverance, patience and energy....

**No one likes to be alone.... even if they hate to admit it... but deep down.. i believe no one love the feeling of loneliness.... People who claim themselves as loners are merely juz people who couldnt find the courage to admit the truth.......

I CAN'T stand loneliness!**

Wednesday

11.17 pm

28-06-06

*Singing leads my soul... Guitar is a part of me..Music captivates me*

Cheers!

10:23:00 PM

Friday, June 23, 2006

It's been such a long long time since i last wrote something here.... cz my com broke down days ago..using my cousin's com now..... to sign up for the cds thingy... then have to wait for one hour.. i thought it start at 9.. ;-(... i always tend to forget deadlines and times easily.....wonder why...

I've been practicing guitar these days.. since there's lik no com to log onto.... bar chords are really tough....but i will not give it up.... it's a must in order to bring my guitar to another level.....:-p.

There's this chinese saying i heard over the radio that sets me thinking.... "Hao ma bu chi hui tou cao".... then the DJ says "Ben ma cai bu chi hui tou cao, you cao bu chi" i find it does make a little sense.. haha... after much thought.. was actually laughing initially... if it's grass that had changed it's initial quality to a superior quality then the horse will be stupid not to go back for the grass... but then again how can the horse be sure that the grass is of a better quality then before, juz by looking at the grass on the surface.?...

certain things look better ... then what they really are....if the horse goes back... there's always a risk of eating grass that only appears to be good... but does not taste as good as it seems to be......risk of a heartache for humans and a risk of a diarrhoea for the horse.. haha...i guess only time may tell whether the grass has changed or still the same as before...therefore... there's no right or wrong to this..up to u to decide... :-p... juz a food for thought...

..As human beings we are rarely satisfied in the current situation we are in...unless we are caught up into something that is more worse then the previous scenario...for example... for me when i'm studying i rather work.. but when i'm working.... i wish i was studying... i wonder why? sometimes i hate myself for feeling this way... always not happy with the current situation... something to take note of.. ;-p

tmr's JJ's concert.. i'm so excited haha.. ;-p.. cant wait... JJ is really an all-rounder... can sing .. can dance.. can compose great touching.... melodious.... songs as well as upbeat songs... a person i look up upon.. ;-p

*Let urself rule loneliness.... and not let loneliness rule u*

*Never be deceived by what things appears to be on the surface, time will reveal the truth*

*Believe in urself... becoz if u dun no one else will*

*The Truth may be ugly coz it may not be what we wanna believe in..tt's why reality often bites.. . Lies are beautiful....because it's what we wanna believe in... that's why some pple rather live in a world of lies...*

*Forming words is as easy as ABC... but putting these words into action requires perserverance, patience and energy.... *

*No one likes to be alone.... even if they hate to admit it... but deep down.. i believe no one love the feeling of loneliness.... People who claim themselves as loners are merely juz people who couldnt find the courage to admit the truth*

Friday

10.03am

23-06-06

*Singing leads my soul... Guitar is a part of me..Music captivates me*

Cheers!

10:04:00 AM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

WOW.. what a day i had yesterday... the very first time i played guitar and sing at the same time in front of an audience.. not a big group though around 8 ... they are the tuesday class students... lao shi conducted something like a test... to showcase what we've learnt thru the months... some of the students there already learnt for yrs already... I didnt expect that i need to go thru the test as well.. lao shi juz said... "hey ur turn soon ar" ... then i thought he was kidding ... haha but it was for real... so i juz went up and sang landy's "zhu wo sheng ri kuai le" ... haha.. was so nervous..firstly coz i didnt prepare... secondly .. juz afraid of the thought that people are looking and listening to me... luckily there wasnt any drastic mistake made ..:-p .. but to be honest i wasnt really happy with my performance.. :-( i felt that i can do better then that...when most of the students all didnt gave any constructive comment.. i thought my case was beyond hope already.... but lao shi said it's not .. PHEW!!!... he said it was not bad for a first-timer ..however gotta take note of certain things.. he pointed out my mistakes yesterday... i muz try my best to rem.. and do better next time.. :-p

Today i felt naseous ... felt like puking the whole day :-(... once i reached home i head for the bed... i was like on the verge of puking .. i rather juz vomit it out to feel better but i did not... i lie on the bed... and fell asleep after some time... actually was planning to ask someone out this evening for dinner/drinks. luckily i didnt coz wasnt feeling well.. if i actually ask the person out and cancelled it... then it wont be good.. like playing the person out.. so thank god i didnt.... coz i wouldnt like it either if people played me out ... :-(

Sometimes i wonder what life will be like for me, if guitar does not exist in this world... and singing is not my passion.... i guess guitar and singing brighten up my life... its' existence make me feel that my presence is worthwhile...of course.. it brings me satisfaction and most importantly.. brought positive changes to my social life because of guitar and singing i got to know great buddies with similar passion.. It changes my perspective on certain things.... and adds on a brand new chapter in my life.... :-p At least...i got something to look forward to... In the past.. i spent most of my spare time..indulging in my own thoughts...and the more i indulge in my own thoughts... the loneliness was overwhelming... :-(

Well.. at least for now.. i juz wanna improve on my guitar and singing... its indeed not easy to play and sing at the same time...someone once told me a good guitarist may not necessary be able to sing and play at the same time... i dunno how true is this.... juz a comment... :-p Going back to OB tomorrow again... hehe.... wonder if there are any tests conducted.. OB seems like a second home..at least for now it seems like it.. i go there almost everyday.. :-p

*Being the one making the first move is tiring in friendships*

*Let nature take it's course*

*Sometimes I feel neglected ... felt that I'm the only one in this world...*

**Am I forgotten, or am I already another forgotten stranger once again**

*If I were to say goodbye and never come back.. will you even feel a tinge of sadness?**

No one likes to be alone.... even if they hate to admit it... but deep down.. i believe no one love the feeling of loneliness.... People who claim themselves as loners are merely juz people who couldnt find the courage to admit the truth.

Thursday

7.59pm

14-06-06

*Singing leads my soul... Guitar is a part of me..Music captivates me*

Cheers!

1:15:00 AM

Monday, June 12, 2006

It was a happy day out with lao shi and the rest...:-p spent the most time with lao shi and jiajun though haha..it was fun.. :-p hope that they enjoyed it as much as i did... Time does flies when u r having fun.... :-p juz wanna say i really enjoyed their company... looking forward to our next gathering... :-p

Moving on to other matters... certain stuffs in life still sets me thinking.. how sme people have girlfriends but do not know how to treasure them.... is there a form of satisfaction derived from having an exceptionally close relationship with another girl behind their girlfriend's back? if not then why? I hope these people can sometimes put themselves into another party's shoes... if she were to do the same to them? i wonder how they will feel? It really says a lot about a person's character.. if u do not love her anymore.. let her go.. set her free to seek her own happiness? why tie her down when u are not prepared to give her the best u can... ? I think this is being disrespectful to relationships... if u are not prepared to be commited then dun go into a relationship why have to go out with other girls discreetly... ? I juz felt that this is unacceptable... and i have no respect for people like that..in my opinion two-timers are selfish people ..well. .. this is juz my own personal viewpoint... i have no intention to offend anyone...

With regards on the rumours i heard on my previous posts... well.. it's not important anymore... i juz realise that it's totally unfair to judge a person by a situation that i'm unsure of.. u never know when the other party who's spreading the rumours are speaking the truth or was it an extended version of the truth? I think that the best way to judge a person is using ur heart to feel.. judging him/her based on ur own opinions and views.. on ur personal experiences with that person and not judging a person based on certain external influences.. coz it might or might not be true... i think it's best to believe ur own experiences...

From my experiences... i might have misunderstood certain things initially.. a person's personal life should be kept personal...but the most important thing is that his/her personal life does not affect the way he/she treat his/her friends.. tt's important...:-p ... as long as care and concern still exist... the rest doesnt really matter. :-p Since care and concern are the basic necessity in a friendship.... it's a really lovely feeling when friends care for you .... are concern of u.. it's the small gestures that really matters... Well.. i already have no luck in relationships..so i hope to have friendships that will last for as long as possible... with my darling siu yuin.. shemin, lao shi and guitar family...:-p A person needs friends, family and tt special someone to be complete logically.... in my case since i dun do well in relationships so muz do better in the friendship and family area... sort of to fill up the empty space....

I once thought i found friendship with someone.. but end up we seemed to lost touch and can feel the kind of closeness is sort of lost forever.. tried to tok but can tell that this friendship is not important ...so many excuses to get away from going out together to catch up with life....that's what friends should be like catching up once in a while to know what's going on with each other's life.. friendship takes 2 hands to clap it's impossible for one person to sustain a friendship herself/himself...when u tried... and failed..disappointment sets in.... :-(

*Time says it all about a person... **

*Judge someone according to ur experiences with that person**

*Friendship between 2 people takes 2 hands to clap, it's impossible for one person to sustain a frienship all alone w/o the other party's support..**

*Dun underestimate ur abilities, have confdence in ur abilities.... but rem always not to be over confident.. to the extent that it irritates other pple**

Sunday

11.21pm

11-06-06

*Singing leads my soul... Guitar is a part of me..Music captivates me*

Cheers!

12:18:00 AM

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I've been trying to find the chords for songs myself these days.... my a/cs mid sem test is finally over... :-p but of coz still got projects to worry about... :-(
The form of satisfaction is great when u found the appropriate chords for your fave song... though it might not be the correct chords.. but as long as it seems right haha... still gotta let lao shi check whether it's correct not..

Recently i've been addicted to the song "Down" by JJ... it is the english version of "shou neng shen qiao"... a great song... i think i found the chords for it... been singing and listening to it these days..It's like a drug haha...
Went to the vet this morning...Bambi's got a food allergy....the fees is sooooo expensive... it's 219 bucks.. oh gosh.. quite broke le... i think quite impossible to buy guitar again. :-(... so sad...
next week gonna spend more money on her... for teeth scaling... that nottie girl got teeth like a smoker's ... haha
My grandma was re-admitted to the hospital again yesterday morning ;-(... wonder when wil she get well.... shld be going back next week to visit her.. hope everything turns out fine :-p

Jus toked to lao shi online juz a while ago... he told me that tmr is his last night to work at one some..he going to stop for a month..his body not too good. . i think it's good for him because i think he really needs a rest...:-p...and he also need to spend more time with us.. his hao tu er men .. haha :-p

I guess i juz have to accept other people's imperfections...as i'm not perfect either.. lao shi say must kan kai .. next time will see more of this .... this world gets more and more complicated as we grow older... that's juz the way it is....
sometimes i dun mind being a kid haha...

Received a message 2 days ago.. surprised... and a bit of mixed feelings when i see it... it's not the content that gives me the kind of feeling i guess the text message juz sort of re -reminded me of that person again...
afterall... it hasnt really been a smooth ride for me after that thing...well it's over....okie i shld stop pondering over this....since we are friends now...

some conflicts arise between me and a friend lately... i apologise anyway ..to mak things easier for the both of us to work together.... being sorry is the easiest way out...

okie... guess what's happened to me lately.....
going to OB later again... :-p
__________________________________________________________________

*I wanna be Happy, I wanna be Rich... I wanna Fly..I just wanna be Me...**
*Being real to myself*
*Overlook the imperfection in others... magnifying the perfection in them...**
*This complicated world ..sometimes causes my words to be misinterpreted **

__________________________________________________________________

Thursday

08-06-06

4.05pm

*Singing leads my soul.. Guitar is a part of me.. Music captivates me*

Cheers!

4:07:00 PM

Sunday, June 04, 2006

it's been a week since i last wrote something..many things happened .... impossible to pen it all down , juz list down some stuffs that i remember... and would like to share...

Firstly is of course..the combination of projects/deadlines together with work.. and guitar never fail to make me feel so short of time...everyday of my life i'm forced to complete something... well that's life. i felt so helpless and lost at times....and given my absent minded personality i have a difficulty to rem deadlines...that's one area of me i'm trying to seek improvement from... juz handed in the basics ent project.. hope i will be able to pass... although the numbers i put in are all made up... and it really does seem to tally to what a real biz should be like... may god bless me... i really dun wish to retake this subject..i handed in my marketing individual project too.. the deadline was on friday.. it was quite a rush for me.. not that i purposely procrastinated .. it's juz that i really have difficulty doing it... feel so helpless doing this project..there were a few times when i juz on the pc and stare at the screen for seconds not doing what to do next.. felt so stuck..tried to seek help from a friend... but in the end... sort of felt a bit played out..i was told to send my work on wed... and he will try his best to help me edit.. but in the end until thursday msged him on msn.. no reply.. hp also no reply.. i noe this person has got no obligations to help me or whatsoever.. and everyone's got their own life to lead...but then if u knew u may not have the time to help then shld juz say so right from the start... In the end , i was left to slogged all the way till the wee hours of the night to think of something to complete the project.. i woke up early to complete it.. but was still late for lesson .. but in the end i finally made it to hand in that project..i hope i can pass well.. but at least i tried my best... :-p After this incident i truly understood the real meaning of *kao ren bu ru kao zi ji * an impt lesson to remember...

Okie.. enuff of the projects i'm left to worry abt my a/cs mid sem test next tuesday.. oh gosh!... i'm on my way there... on revision stage... trying to remember n learn efffectively all the stuffs required... wish me luck pple... :-p okie.. enuff about school work.. i noe it's boring.... haha..

Talking about other stuffs... well... i really feel that human relationships... are really complicated... i dunno whether to believe the rumours.. or continue to believe in what i wanna believe in... perhaps knowing less makes one a happier person..humans are fake.. that's a fact... the older we get the more we hide our emotions.. even if there are misunderstandings.. miscommunications.. and complicated issues within.... we continue to show a smiling face.. we can act as though ntg happened... as usual..deceiving ourselves that everything is fine..i admit that at times i'm guilty of being one of these fake human beings alive.. but in my heart i've got a million questions unanswered..not that it's intentional...I totally agree now that certain things it's not what it seems to be... everything may seemed well on the surface.. but it may berotting inside... :-( perhaps a person's working environment really does influence a person strongly.. but whether it can bring about changes to a person's character and values .i dunno.. Did a change in working environment spells the start of these conflicts? i'm still not willing to let go what i believed in.. i dun have the heart to ruin the perfect image in my mind... it's not a good feeling having to know stuffs that are forcing me to change my views and perceptions of my original beautiful image... it's like adding impurities into a glass of pure, clean water... making it lose it's original flavour.. ..or perhaps we are only hearing a side of the story.... and to be honest i wasnt really there to have the right to judge who's wrong or right.... im pretty confused abt the stories i heard too....and also didnt hear the stories from the other side... which further adds on the misunderstandings...

Life is full of mysteries i'm wana reveal...questions i wish to uncover..

alright gotta go and sleep.. gotta work tomorrow.. and then come home to study Accounting... sianz.. tmr working at mw...i rather stay at home... :-(

before sleeping let me introduce to u the 4 Ks.... issues to be learnt :-p

*Knowing someone too well....spoils the perfection & adds on to the imperfection*

*Keeping quiet does adds on to the misunderstandings and conflicts*

*Knowing that it isn't right to judge a person with a situation ur not even sure of*

*Knowing that certain stuffs are not always what it seems to be*

_______________________________________________________________________

*Singing leads my soul.. Guitar is a part of me.. Music captivates me*

*Saturday

03-06-06

11.25pm

Cheers!

11:17:00 PM