Tuesday, October 31, 2006
On the 27th october.. 11.15am ... u left me... left us .. left this world... left everything behind.. leaving me behind..:-(...
If only u could wait for me a little while more... so that at least i could see u for the very last time before u go.... sadly.. u didnt give me a chance to bid u the last goodbye... i cant blame anyone.. it's all my fault.. coz i really didnt know u had to go....
May u rest in peace... u will always be remembered and missed dearly by all of us... although we couldnt bear see u leave .. we hate to see u suffer too...
i miss u...
*你永远是我最爱的婆婆，无人能取代你在我心中的地位。*
*我象个残废。。永远飞不出有你的世界**
*如果能选择，如果有下辈子。。我仍然要你做我婆婆。。。真的。。*
*我好想你婆婆，你听见了吗？*
*如果有可能你能否让我在梦中再见你多一面？可以吗？我求求你。。
因为我真的想见你， 然后再跟你说声我好爱你。。你是无法取代的。想听你的声音,
然后在听你亲口对我说你现在过的很好...然后紧紧拥抱你。。让你不再离开我身边。。*
*婆婆，你将会永远活在我心中。。永远。。永远。。。我陪你走到你人生的尽头。。我陪你走到最后。。*
这也是我唯一能为你做的....
我能适应没有你细心照顾的日子吗？。。我能适应没有你为我处处担心的以后 吗？
* 看着你离开。。我的心好痛。。。好痛。。从来也没有这样痛过。。*
我真的好舍不得你。。你知道吗？
Now that it's too late...u left me even before I had the chance to say I'm staying with you...
*I am left with no choice but to go on without her.. like a fool who's too sure...
I'm like a bird who's lost her wings... A fire without it's flame...
I dun know how to be strong without her in my life..
I am a song without a soul...
Now that she's gone..
What's left of us is this song...
what's left of us in this song?*
1-11-06
2.00pm
Wednesday
9:53:00 PM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Today is my last day to slack .. the last day in which i can do nothing.. no work .. no study... tomorrow will be the start of school... back to Sentosa ... back to school work... back to projects... stress... :-(.... Somemore...besides a changed time-table... my class had changed also.... so weird .. exactly stop at my name... the people after my name on the list all remain in the same class haha..tomorrow there is service lesson...i still have problems bunning my hair up.. shucks... i dunno tomorrow how hehe...
I cant bear for the hols to be over.... hols always seemed so short..... ar....
I cant say whether it's a good or bad thing to change class halfway thru... but in life most of the time we got no choice juz gotta learn to get along with different types of people.... i hope that i can find good project mates that can work well together with me.. and we cld go thru this sem smoothly without any hiccups...:-p
I've been constantly working for the past week....... tired.... slept for few hours everyday... went to the pub again on friday after class it's become like a routine... but i was not in the pub most of the time haha....i was there only in the initial and the ending time... saw some fighting outside the pub .... quite scary but interesting haha.. so sadistic.. there were blood on their faces... and one of the guy's shirt was like torn and tattered.... and we juz sat there and watch them sort of making a fool out of themselves..
Still have some beat problem with the guitar... i hope i can overcome it asap....
okie wish me all the best that this sem will go well. ... :-p
*庆幸消除误会。。但会一直希望你 能够一天比一天的更加 关心我。。照 顾我。。保 护我的一切，可以吗？**
**不要在活在自己的世界了, 多多留意身 边的人的感受 与想法好吗？因为你的世界有我*
*希望你能包容和体量我的雨天。。并且一直守护着我。。
因为我不想自己一个人去面对未知的黑洞**
Cheers!
Sunday
22/10/06
3.38pm
3:07:00 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Going to work soon... but woke up a bit early so decided to write some stuffs down... non intentional juz gotta urge to do so....
We are all separate individuals.. living in this world.. got to know each other.. have a different set of thinking and perspectives in life... so can these differences btw us be covered up? ignored? and life goes on....the world will cont to turn no matter what happened..
Most people will not understand the big fuss i make over supposedly small stuffs.... like for example... a word of concern..a small gesture of care... juz simply small little things to assure me that a person cares about my presence? Asking to much? i dunno....
It's obviously nice if u ask someone to do something .. and he does it for u.... but dun u think it's even nicer for someone to do things u like without u having to ask him to do it...
it's simply juz like it's ur birthday tomorrow... u obviously will like to hear some birthday wishes from the important pple in ur life.... if they forget abt it.. u will be disappointed..if u have to remind them that it's ur birthday tomorrow and they eventually wished u and even bought u a gift .. will u be as happy? Will u be happier if they remembered and does things for u without u reminding or will u be happier if u got to ask them and they do it?
Certain things shld come out of ur own willingness.... own will as to whether u wanna do the thing for someone a not.. it should not be a kind of obligation whereby u have to do something merely juz to create less trouble....
*我曾经怀疑我在你心中的地位。。**
*我只是希望能得到你的关心多一点。。。我想见你的心似乎强过你想见我的心。。**
*我相信就算我 们一周没见面你也无所谓。。。但我不一样。。或许你会觉得我小提大作。。那就 随你吧。。我没有控制思想的能力。。*
*如果样样需要我的提醒。。那就失 去 它原本的意义了。。你懂吗? *
如果听得懂。。请给我一个良性的讯号让我知道。。*
OKIE time to go for work :-(
Cheers!
Thursday
19/10/06
9.45am
9:25:00 AM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Had quite a pleasant night yesterday... since almost everyone was quite nice .. in fact there was only one irritant... nah ... it's over so i shld juz forget it....but i did tried my best... for the time being that was the best i can do... but in life not everyone can accept what u do... but i am juz wondering why some people have to do this.. to dampen someone else's mood....
It's definitely not a good feeling to be put down...when u've put in effort and tried ur best to do something for someone.... Is there any motive why some pple have to build their own happiness on someone else's misery? ... it's juz weird... does putting someone down with sarcastic comments and remarks make one feel good about him/herself.... ? Everyone is brought up in different ways... some people are more sensitive towards other people's feelings while others juz don't give a damn.... some people have manners whilst others don't ... that's juz a way of life... we get to meet different types of people in different walks of life.. in different situations.....
After this... i guess i noe how to deal with this type of people the next time round.... i was juz too slow in reaction.... juz sat there and smiled.... maybe at that point in time i juz did not wanna create any form of conflicts....? What's the point? .... anyway i juz need some pesticide to spray into whoever person who said those things....
However, i was lucky enuff that those people who were important to me appear to appreciate my efforts more...but i juz feel that if a person is really good then walk the talk... it's useless trying to put others down with sarcastic remarks when a person doesnt even have the guts to showcase what he or she has got.... if the person cant prove that he/she is better then does he even have the rights to pinpoint other people's mistakes with sarcastic remarks.... ?
But hang on for a moment... was there even a mistake in the first place? or was it juz another brainless remark by an inconsiderate fool who absolutely have no clue ? i'm not too sure bout that myself..
And furthermore..so what if the person is better in any way?... it's not a classroom..... I already have a professional to teach me the rights and wrongs....what i need is more time and guidance from him... to improve to a higher level....i do not need outsiders to tell me all that crap....
and besides this outsider do not even have the guts to walk the talk... so should i even take those remarks seriously? Jun.. ask me not to bother about such a person.....
Anyway... in this world many pple are like that .. so juz gotta get used to it.....
*因为有你在，让我觉得自己不再是一个人。。*
*我要陪你走到最后。。。我们都别想太多，一起走到尽头。。好吗？*
*为何一些人总爱把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上呢？这样做真的会令他们开心吗？*
*真是不明白，不了，不懂**
5.40PM
15/10/06
Sunday
5:07:00 PM
Friday, October 13, 2006
I'm tired... yes indeed.. slept at 4am the previous night.. to work out the chords for dear darling siu yuin haha... :-p hope she will like it... may not be as good as the original of course.. but at least i tried... :-p hehe..
As tired as i am... i simply refuse to sleep ... maybe for now at this moment i juz dun feel like it? Juz feel like writing something...i'm writing in english, xiao hei.. r u reading? :-p
i'm a person with mood swings i guess... do all girls have it? i'm not too sure bout that... but i guess i do.. i can feel extremely moody all of a sudden.. like now? But most of the time for my case.. i tend to feel more insecure abt myself..perhaps i'm really that kind of person who constantly needs assurance from the people i love? i'm juz afraid pple might hate this part of me... of course i tried to cover it up... but sometimes i'm afraid it juz shows..
Maybe a small action .. a few words .. a few gestures may not mean a lot to some other people.. but to me.. it means a great deal.. althought i hate to admit this.. but it does..
Maybe i'm over-sensitive? Perhaps i simply juz think too much? sometimes i juz wonder why do i have to brood over little things and then make my life difficult? Why cant i juz think lesser? forget bout those minor stuffs and lead an easier life?
Sure.. i understand that worrying gets a person no where... but i juz cant help it...
.....................................................................................
but i cannot keep complaining my worries to another person constantly.. coz firstly people have their own problems to worry about.. secondly... everyone will get tired of my worries... coz it only add on to their worries..
so the only outlet..... it's juz here lor... i guess....
that's what blogs are for? to vent all my frustrations ... emotions into words.. ? and then hopefully i will feel better after that....
but of course... i will act as though i'm fine everyday of my life... no matter how blue i may feel... coz it's no point to show ur emotions when it doesnt help to change it... so i guess it's normal for people to hide it.. people often always hide negative emotions ....
But no worries friends... i will always try not to let my negative emotions affect u... in any way...
*请原谅我的没自信。。。我也不想这样*
*每天每夜都不断在寻找着真正的自己。。。*
*过了明天就应该没事了吧？ 希望吧。。**
*不开心时，也害怕对你说。。只因为知道那只会增添你的烦恼。。*
*就算我想说。。 你会愿意听吗？。。 还是你早已被自己的烦恼压得再也容纳不
下任 何的吵杂声？。。没关系。。我只是发发劳骚。。。*
*我是不是真的很没用呢？。。就只会增添别人的烦恼 ：-(我也不想这样。。*
13/10/06
Friday
1am
Cheers!
12:40:00 AM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
最真的守候与等待会有结果吗？终究没有答案。。
那究竟是一个人的等待还是两个人的期待？当然也不希望任何一
方半途而 废。。但事事难料。。今日不知明天事。。时间是最大的考验。。。
自私的我不愿与另一个人分享这一切...
目前只是畏惧自己无法适应在这段时间后，得不到你 全心的专注，呵 护与照顾。。
但又能如何呢？
我也只有傻傻的期待着奇迹的发生。。。
我在说你有没有在听。。。
请愿谅我的没自信..
Wednesday
4.50pm
11/10/06
Cheers!
4:03:00 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
i was out on Friday previously to ice skate.. my first try... not bad juz had blisters and my feet hurts.. but was quite an interesting experience.. walking is definitely not easy on ice... except for the experts of course .... maybe having their own shoes also helps contributes to their ease with moving on ice... but overall it was not bad :-p.... met two old friends on that day... one is a friend from cds... thanks to him that i can skate in the middle for quite a long time... coz for the rest of the time i only managed to leave the bar for support for short periods of time.. but because he is quite good at skating so not so afraid of falling when he's around hehe.. using him ....anyway nice to see him there after so long....
Another friend that i saw was.... guess who.... ??? no prizes for correct guesses... my secondary old-time buddy... Eva.. haha... never seen her for years can u believe it..felt a little distant when i first saw her around....though we may not be as close as before i hope she's doing well with her life now.... :-p... she looks happy though ... which is good...
I didnt know i can still meet this two friends at Jurong East haha.... normally i dun go there at all... not bad la juz a bit far... that's all..
Well. been having diarrhoea yesterday...:-(.. cleared up some misunderstandings... felt mentally better after that...tend to feel rather insecure these days.... slept at around 3am yesterday... then woke up having a nose bleed.... :-(....been quite unhealthy lately... is it due to emotional stress?.... fatigue? (LAck of sleep)? or is it juz coz of the haze? ..... maybe it all contributes i guess...... coz of i always think a lot....
and also besides everywhere juz looks like i'm in "genting" .... not bad ar... no need to travel then can get the "genting hazy effect" haha..... but this is unhealthy air lor....
I performed on Friday night too with a blocked nose..... the most songs that i ever performed on a single night... 4 songs.. two of which with my friends.... although i was a bit nervous coz havent been performing due to my flu for quite some time..... the standard of my perfomance was juz passable.... but it's ok i will work on it... i wanna improve .....
i guess that's all for these days.. ntg interesting i lead a boring life that's why....hehe
**心里的雨倾盆而下，我真的想知道这场倾盆大雨，有没有也一样的把你给淋湿？
这场雨何时停息？答案掌握在你手中**
*我们真的会有那么一天吗？ 那一天的来临又要等多久呢？我想只有老天知道。。**
*不愿意让你看到我流泪的狼狈模样，只因为不想增加你肩膀上的负担，但最后始终无
法压抑情绪。。对不起。。**
*真不明白...平凡的我，为何得承受这些波折。。。有时想想自己是否又做错了些什么。。**
Sunday
08-10-06
12.36pm
Cheers!
11:59:00 AM
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Juz a month left ... or perhaps less than a month..... sometimes wonder of all people why must this happen? maybe i'm really a horrible person in the past this may juz be my retribution...? Well.. the worse thing is i can do absolutely nothing ... but to juz stand and watch everything happening ..... tt's life...
it's 3 plus in the morning... and i'm writing all this crap... i juz need an outlet to release all the tension...
Another crash from heaven.... since tuesday....
it's such crap... why others can juz do whatever they wanna do.. be with whoever they wanna be with... and yet i cant.... for me it's always filled with obstacles.... sighs.... i think i'm really not cut up for this.... i think it's fated that i will cont the life that i used to lead before everything ever happened..
*真的知道一切都只是自己的妄想，狂想，幻想..**
*我会期待，等待奇 迹。。也希望你不要放 弃任何一个能解决问题的方法**
*舍不得说再见，又能如何？不 想 你为难的我也只能 傻傻的望着你一个月后要离开
的背影。。又能如何？**
*等待会有结果吗？只有天知道。。**
*我又做错了什么？**
*
你真的会一直守在我身 边吗?**
叹气。。。真的就只有这个结果吗？
Thursday
3.15am
05/10/06
2:40:00 AM
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
It's me again... didnt sleep quite well the day before yesterday due to certain stuffs.... it's quite complicated hard to put it all in words... i'm not sure whether there will be a solution but i wld like to believe that u will think of a way.. will u?
But i did managed to catch up with some sleep yesterday... after work... i realised these days... i can't really sleep until that late like last time... i can't sleep past 11 plus.. unlike last time sleep till one in the afternoon also can ... haha pig.... i'm not sure whether it's the medicine i am taking my appetite hasnt been that great either.. i used to be starving in the mornings but nowadays i only eat small portions... and can even skip lunch etc.... weird... but the clock in my stomach seemed to be a bit faulty... it's lost it's ability to remind me on time that i shld be hungry le haha....
I think my appetite will improve after my flu recover.... hope so... coz sometimes i do quite enjoy eating.... i dun wish to be afraid of food.... it's suppose to be a joy to be able to eat and enjoy ur food... actually it's better to have the mentality that u live to eat... rather then u eat to live...
at the moment i belong to the second category..... hopefully it will change overtime....
Well.. later shld be out with my cousin.. still waiting for her to reply... so slow... ZZZZZZZZZ
haha.. she's probably busy at the moment...
Finally i'm officially owning Jay's new album... "Yi ran fan te xi".... haha.. :-p...thks to my dear buddy/colleague...Suhui..thks! :-p Thks for listening too... Thks for making work life bearable for me too :-p.... and enjoyable too hehe :-pokie tt's about it for today... been wanting the chords for Jay chou's new song
"心雨" and " 菊花台" but dun have the lyrics yet... and no time....:-(... dun wanna ma fan lao shi .. coz i already ask him to help me with 3 songs le..... hope can go figure out the chords soon lor...if i find the time... ;-(*梦希望没有尽头，我们走 到这就好，因为我不想太快走完 这幸福。。。但我 们能走多远 ? ***会不会手牵着手？我们晚一点才 到尽头。。**希望你也感同深受，也不再 让我失望。。 好吗？***你愿意陪我走到最后 吗? **Cheers!Wednesday04-10-0610.25am
10:02:00 AM
