Saturday, September 29, 2007
It' s officially finalized..
I will be working at the airport...
:-x
I wonder if that's considered bad news
coz i am not very sure what's in stored for me over there...
sighz...
but it's quite troublesome to travel there everyday... furthermore the shifts are inconsistent... unlike in orchard it will be like shopping hours...
i guess there will be shifts that i have to work thru the night? or early , and i mean very early in the mornings.......sighz....
Since it's 24 hours at the airport...
shucks...
Wonder what's my schedule going to be like...
Besides the time thingy that i have to force myself to get used to...
One more thing is my new found friend that i got along really well with during this month of training was posted to orchard... :-x
What luck!!!!
Gosh!!!
I was hoping we could work together....in the end was posted to different places...
It's rare to have found someone whom i can click with in this short period of training time..juz when i finally found .... we got posted to different places!!!
AiYOH!
Hope to keep in touch with Bev Bear i knew from STB during training.... we really had fun together these days during training... initially, I was hoping Bev Bear can change to her placement to the airport to work... after some thought, i felt that i shouldnt be so persistent and should juz leave everything to fate, if there is, that will be great, if not, acceptance is the only way out...
In life we can never choose our colleagues and who u wan to work with anyway... so i can only accept....
hope everything go smoothly at the airport...and i will be able to get along well and click well with my colleagues...and hopefully find another Bev Bear at the airport ... whom i can get along real well with... ha!
Life's good when colleagues are good.....
I guess it will be harder to plan my activities when i work at the airport...:-(
5 months at the airport?
I hope it's an enjoyable one, and not one that's hard to bear....
Praying hard...
Today's a boring friday night stuck at home again...
missing those late friday nights that i used to go thru weekly...
:-x
Lately...none sadly...
lately it's coz of ur frequent absence....
no more looking forward to fridays like what i used to do...
not anymore..:-x
from next week onwards when work officially starts
it will be more impossible...:-x
It will be work ....
Juz turn out to be that bad...
when i was undergoing training.. timing was so flexible and more free, but ur inflexible schedule does not match...:-( then when i'm actually starting work with a more inflexible schedule, ur schedule becomes more flexible and u will get to come out more often but i may not be able to....GOSH!!!! Mismatch of timing!!!!
:-(
I can only sigh...
sigh on the mismatch of everything...
Mismatch of not getting to work with someone whom i can really click...
Mismatch of timing.....
Life's full of mismatch!!!
HAve been having bad cramps these days too :-(
我只求一切顺利。。。能找到另外一个有缘人。。。那日子会容易过些。。。
K guess tt's about it
No mood to write anymore...
12:40:00 AM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sighz...........
Juz felt like sighing...........
Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
U will ask me why?
Many reasons...
of what happened yesterday
of feeling tired coz of the lack of sleep
yep
I'm a trouble maker..
i couldnt control myself...
My intentions wasn't bad
it was juz a matter of expressing it in a more direct and harsh manner
也许是因过分紧张，所以把话放得太重吧。。。
人总会在完美的时候要更多，吵架时又说了太多。。。一句，“不是我的错” 我们都听过。。争吵时，谁会承认自己有错。。。往往也说了一些不该说的话，互相的伤害着对方，对方也都不肯冷静的让步。。。
吵架很累，很伤人，很伤神。。。
What about aniversaries and birthdays?
Are they not important at all?
Or is it only important when i say it's important?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I dunno...
:-x
Are they genuinely important to u or is it juz any other day not worth paying attention to... ?
or is it really a difference in thinking?
coz of the difference in the degree of importance towards the same issue?
I hope not...
If both parties feel differently towards the same issue, i dun see meaning in carrying out the thing anymore...
It becomes meaningless...
:-x
I really wanna know the real answer from deep within
not answers meant only to humour me....
我不要表面的敷衍。。。若对你不重要，那也失去了原有的意义和快乐。。。
9:36:00 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Life's been so dull lately...
lacking of colours...
lacking of anything special that catches my attention
none at all
sighz....
Waiting patiently for any unexpected surprises tt might juz come my way...
Not so easy..
:-(
今天拿起吉他，学会弹了一首新歌。。。姐姐问我，pub 不是都听老歌，这种新歌会适合吗？我笑说，自己喜欢所以随心唱了起来，姐姐说：“那你学来干嘛？唱给自己听吗？”我勉强的湾起嘴角，苦笑了一下下。。。心里想了想，她说的也有道理，也真的没有人愿意听我唱，还学什么新歌？感觉有些讽刺。。。
突然，有感而发，会觉得学了那么久，那又如何？
突然，有些怀念过去曾经拥有过的机会。。。
近来，生活好干燥，单调乏味。。。一点色彩也没有。。。
天天的猜测感觉有些累。。。
感觉天天无精打采，都无法打满满的精神去面对每一天。。。
虽然，明知道不可能，但仍然渴望拥有属于自己的专属天使，一个肯一直站在我身边，不弃不离。。在我最需要陪伴时，他都会出现，一个肯永远守在我的左右支持着我的天使。。。
不可能吧...
10:34:00 PM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Since when Fridays become so sucky?
It has been since the previous friday last week...
if only i can juz get somebody to accompany me the entire day
Tuff...
Impossible
Everyone got their own commitments...
Loneliness....
Life sucks..
When everyone's buzi...
When the cable tv box is not working
When my ear phones are almost spoilt....
:-x
and i am broke...
I cant afford one....
gRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Why muz my ear phones spoil when i'm on financial crisis...?
Having toked to someone today with regards to the relationship between love and money
I suddeny start to ponder..
Is money or love more important?
as a person grows older, then a person will slowly realise that 2 people cannot survive on love alone... sometimes insufficient funds may be a problem to a relationship too...
It will be a pleasure to be in a relationship never having to worry a thing about money..A relationship free of financial problems will be great.. as money issues often leads to unhappiness...
it's tuff..What about during dating? is it better to go dutch? juz in case u break up and u wun feel so indebted to the person? It will definitely be great to have someone to splurge on flowers to make ur day, bring u to restaurants during special occasions, comes pick u up with a private transport after a hard day's work... These are probably the dream of many women... but not everyone have this form of luxury.. coz life's like that.. u dun usually get what u want...
Typical qualities people wan in their husbands will be rich, sensitive, faithful, caring, understanding, responsible... but in life doesnt mean u wan, u will get them.. that' s why it's called dream guy.... such a person probably dun exist.. maybe the one u are with may satisfy some of the qualities but definitely not all.... it's juz a character u wish to meet...
Therefore, reality bites...
Life is unexpected... even if u find someone very rich... who knows the person suddenly experience bankruptcy? as many things can happen over the years... that's when the true test begins.....Once rich doesnt mean always rich...
but sometimes in life, it's sort of fated... with the circle of people u know out there, one of them might be the one who will stick to u for the rest of ur life... but will there be happiness forever? no one can guarrentee? it is a gamble...
For me, being very rich is not compulsory, but it's very important for a man to be someone who's dependable, hardworking and financially very stable...someone who doesnt require his family to worry about him financially at all.. someone who has the ability to support his own and his family's needs....To me, It is a basic form of security that a man should give to his family...
So i juz have to pray hard that I will end up with someone like that eventually...
If he's going to be someone u are going to spent the rest of ur life with, of course he has to be dependable, hardworking and financially very stable ..unless u wan to be stuck with someone constantly in debts? will there be happiness? i suppose not....u might even live in constant stress of repaying all the debts...
Oh gosh, it's a friday night, and i'm stuck here.... talking bout all this...
It will be great to find someone to accompany me to visit many many countries all over the world one by one.... WOW... that will be like a dream come true...happiness to the ultimate.. love to travel...
maybe i'm getting sick of here.. i juz wanna get out of here!!! have not been getting what i wan lately.......
*除了写还是写，愿望如果真的能实现就好了。。。*
距离让彼此少了互动。。。少了沟通。。。一切要从新去适应。。。对我而言，不容易。。。
想象自己，若回到当初单身时候会是怎么样呢？
陪伴对我来说，可欲不可求。。要学着不要太执着，难为了自己。。。
*哪个女人不爱被宠爱？不爱被呵护？ 不爱被保护？不爱被甜言蜜语围绕着？*
我也只不过是个 普通女人*
最近，感觉到感情的不容易。。。开始对自己缺乏信心。。缺乏安全感。。。怀疑自己是否适不适合。。。也感觉有些力不从心
幸福到底是什么？
8:45:00 PM
Humans are borned complicated.....
I'm no exception
perhaps not as matured as others..
To be more crude..
I'm childish...
coz I allow emotions to rule my mind...
If given a choice i would rather be a guy...
Then perhaps be less emotional.. less dependent....
and become happier..
Waiting is not exactly an enjoyable activity to me...
yet another sleepless night.....
我以为忙碌是解药
结果发觉
即使，有事在忙，心情还是没有真正好过些。。。
今天的我，格外感性。。。不知觉的会流眼泪。。。会寂寞。。。天天出去，又不可能，若不这样，家里又剩下我一个，面对四面墙，感觉更寂寞。。。难过。。。
相信今天是我的低潮日。。
感受不到电话里的关心。。。
感情是一个难懂的东西。。。
开始怀疑自己，到底适不适合。。
叹气
1:47:00 AM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Training wasn't that bad after all..
Made a few new friends...
one leaves a deeper impression on me...
as there are juz too much coincidences btw me and her...
Outing was ok...
but the hot sun sucks..
but i wouldnt like it if it's raining ...
hard to satisfy....
I didn't know museums can be so entertaining.. i kinda love the Chinatown Heritage Centre....
It's so realistic...everything... from items right to the living conditions of the people... i can actually feel the hardship they went through.....it's juz so realistic.....it's fantastic... i find it really interesting .. it's the only attraction in which i didnt yawn even once when i'm in it...
Moving on ......
Been guessing a lot lately...
Constant guessing sucks...
It's uncontrollable for me to stop it...
I know the situation is not within our control...
tt's why it sucks..
The mind automatically juz kept wandering... keep guessing...
Guessing whether there's a meeting...
Not a nice feeling....
I dislike it too....
in fact a lot..
But i can't control myself at times...
I've tried to keep myself buzy ....
as it's not within anyone's control
due to the situation
Sometimes i wonder if i'm better off back into original state....
will it be better...
No excess thoughts to deal with....
Will my mind be able to find more peace then...
as the mind will adjust to it's original, untouched state...
back to where it all started..
when there's nobody special...
If the mind return to it's original state, it will naturally realise that nobody's obliged to be there when u need them at all times....it will be back to it's independent state...become less demanding....with less requests......
then perhaps the mind can find more peace...
with peace... happiness may follow...
maybe i've been a burden....
Dun wish to be a big burden
I dunno how to put it all in words how i felt..
The amount of mixed feelings....
so much so u wanted to blame someone .. but u juz cant but ended up juz blaming urself..
一个人若没有要求，会不会更快乐一些？
**现在知道，原来专属天使只有在童话故事里才存在着，现实生活中根本不可能有。。。**
原本以为有，原来是自己的妄想。。。
8:54:00 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Sometimes i feel like a legless bird...
Flying around aimlessly around...
I guess we juz have to accept the imperfections in life...
it's inevitable...
When there are ups...
there are bound to be downs too...
To balance up, i guess....
It's been yet another day without ur presence..
I guess it muz have been ages since u last visited here....
As ur Busy...
many things aren't within our control isn't it
心又不由自主地不断想念着。。。
*其实说再多，也胜不过那简单的三个字。。。虽然简单但意义非凡，但若不是发自内心的就会变成一种敷衍。。。那说再多次也已经失去它原有的意义了。。。*
*维系感情是一个难懂的学问，若放得太松又好象显得不在乎，若抓得太紧又会喘不过气。。。要懂得收放自如。。说得容易，做起来刚好相反。。。*
要接受不是每一次脆弱，身边一定会有你的出现。。。
*有时候内心也会感到空虚的，寂寞, 也不会说出口，那对于这一切你又了解多少。。。*
我也不懂。。
6:54:00 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
These days i have been continuously feeling insecure...
Something seemed to be missing..
On the surface, everything remains fine...
maybe it lies within me...
the insecurities acting up......
I tend to read into many things...a simple sentence said without much consideration, an action done without much thought... is already enough to set me thinking bout the difference between the past and present....
Is the sense of urgency gradually going down....as time goes by....or is it juz plain tiredness due to some form of medication?
Unconciously thinking...
Down.....:-(
*A constant need for assurance....*
Moving on to Sip matters, my actual sip starts on children's day.... at the moment it was juz training.... been on duck tours, the DHL Hot-air balloon today....and have had a lot of information on Singapore's heritage... Too much information i guess... i couldnt really abosrb all....
Have longed wanted to try the duck tours and the DHL hot-air balloon...It should be a happy and exciting trip.... but today i found out that the company u are with is more impt then the type of activity carried out...
Today, i felt like an outcast all the way right from the start.....though, i had small talks with almost everyone in the group....perhaps , not too close with them, felt a sort of invisible barrier btw me and them... not totally at ease i guess... besides, the groups is further splitted into small cliques here and there, so for most of the time it's kinda hard and weird to force urself into their little grps ... so for most of the time i rather choose to remain silent....
So i realised that if I'm with a group of friends that i feel totally comfortable and happy with..... it doesn't matter what activity ur doing, even if it's doing projects.. I'm happier ...
Thus, to me, the company of friends I'm with together to complete any activity is the determining factor to which how much i enjoy the activity... not the activity itself...
Oh how much i missed all my dearest friends...
Without them, Duck tours and DHL balloon seems incomparable with simple window shopping, slacking around on the streets and cycling at east coast park....
Okie end of my lonely excursion encounter..juz hope that tomorrow's outing training session will be better....
I hope all my dearest friends passed their exams well and are enjoying themselves on their attachment at the moment.....
They shld know who they are so needless to mention any names...
*一些适当的话。。。温馨的话。。。让人感动的话。。。。温馨举动，还是非常重要的。。。*
*一个人无论多么有自信， 还是需要对方的肯定。。。 这可以用简单的话，温馨举动来表达。。让人增进安全感。。。*
有没有治好空虚，没有安全感的药呢。。。 若有我第一个去买。。。
我真希望不安，不开心的感觉能快快解除。。。。
一切能够象从前一样美好
对于这一切，你又了解多少， 表面的敷衍存在过吗。。。
5:33:00 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
Not feeling too good these days...
Suddenly i dun feel understood
Something's wrong
probably with me...
I've been thinking a lot these days....
Due to the constant cooping up at home i guess...
一开始，通常一切美好。。。随着时间的累积，事情总会有不知觉的变化。。。导致，一切不如从前一样美好。。。
有些事情对我来说很重要，但可能对别人来说其实都一样，何必浪费精力，浪费时间去做一些自己觉得没意义的事情。。。
*也许是我想象得到的太多。。。旁人不一定会配合。。。
一切都是自己一厢情愿的想法，原来会带来压力。。。。*
感觉无比的无奈
*渐渐发觉想法的差异。。。看法的不一致*
感觉不到以往的冲动。。。。距离会不会越来越远。。。
不被了解的痛楚。。。
有着力不从心的感觉。。。
4:28:00 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2007
It was juz another day of slacking around on a typical friday night......
Until something pleasant happened...
That is to have JJ lin around through the meal...
It was a happy night for me...
Pretty unexpected.. but pleasant...
He turn out to be everything i imagined him to be ...cute, polite, friendly, amiable... in fact even friendlier then i imagined...
Though this is not my first time seeing him in person....seen him at his concert, at Hai die a few times... but this is the first time i really get to interact with him...:-p
so it is really something special for me...
*Hoping for another chance to hang out with JJ Lin again...:-p*
*He is indeed my role model...I really look up to him and admire his talent and the amount of hard work he puts in to be an all-rounder*
I Love JunJie!!! :-p
9:07:00 PM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I haven't wrote anything here ever since i came back from genting..
The Bus trip towards genting was long ....I always thought long journeys sets a person thinking...
I always thought about many many stuffs when i'm on the bus, it doesnt matter whether if i had company a not on the bus, as long as i'm not talking, staring blankly out of the windows, u know i'm thinking about stuffs....basically everything..
But this time round, for most of the time on the bus, my mind circulate around one person. It's been almost a year, but I still missed this person the most...
On the bus, i start to reflect on my past trips to Malaysia.... the reason behind my past trips to Malaysia is always this special person, almost all the time...
As i sat on the bus, gazing at every tree we drove past....reminds me deeply of my past trips to Malaysia to see this person..... This time round, i wonder why, but on my subconcious mind, i am still thinking that i'm on my way to meeting this person... how naive can i get?....thought the fact is i'm actually going to genting...
But reality often bites, i know i can never turn back time..to see this special person again...Everytime i thought of this... I can feel wetness in my eyes...I juz sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks... I didnt know my reaction would still be as strong...
I really missed u ... so much so much... more than words can describe...
I thought i gotten over it as it's been almost a year, but everytime when i'm alone esp when traveling for long journeys.. i can't help but have the face of this person imprinted on my mind...My biggest regret is I didnt even get a last chance to say goodbye ...
it's probably impossible to use juz mere words to describe how i feel...
我们都很想念你，在你离开以后这些日子里。。。
能够拥有你是我的福气。。。
无奈的每次想起，眼泪就会不听话的象海水一样来袭。。
有时候，我只想用自己全部的努力，换回你坚强的生命。。。
你松开了双手，把温柔都带走，
遗憾的是我连说声再见的机会也没有。。。
只希望你能快乐，永远无忧，所有的幸福都在你左右。。。
如果，时间能倒流，我好想在抱抱你一下。。。让一切暂停，让你能感受多点温馨。。。
我好想念你
是真的。。
我还没来得及跟你说句我真的好爱你。。。。
4:05:00 PM
