Thursday, October 25, 2007
Sitting by the window.... Watching shops all around me closing one by one, whilst i could only sit here... letting my mind wander all over once again..... freezing as i slowly typed each word u see here....a sudden surge of loneliness as i see people around me in pairs and in groups... reminding me of my lonely status here...
Distance .. Distance... Distance... S,pore is not a big country .. but a problem lik distance still exist for me....
sometimes, i pause to wander.... everyone's got their own lives to lead. .. in the end, everyone are juz separate individuals who can live with or without each other...
so perhaps presence is not a necessity... it is a luxury .. just a want.. a desire
so how do i minimize this want... i have yet to figure out....
:-x
12:41:00 AM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I'm in such a bad mood today...for the first time since i started work a few weeks back, i wasn't looking forward to knocking off... i dun feel like knocking off... juz dun wanna go home... for today i dun mind continue working till 215am... i wanna keep myself occupied at all times...so i will have no time to let my mind wander....
My left eyelids twitched for quite some time, and i knew something unpleasant was gonna happen and sure enuff it did.. :-x
Yes, life can be such a chore at times.. u can make the effort to request for changes so as to make schedules allow so as to create more opportunities to meet. but sometimes the harder u try ... the more it won't work.... things happen along the way...
distance is already a major problem... and i find it hard to change the way i feel about certain things.... certain things are juz important to me... no matter how hard i try to suppress or control it.. the feeling still exist... juz depending on how much i try to hide it to prevent conflicts....
i find it hard to change this part of me...for all this time, i've been trying to kick away this negative feeling that comes in every lost chance of meeting, after being alone for a couple of days..
it's a sucky day......
decided to keep myself occupied at all times.. thinking of taking up some lessons too.....
sighz....
没有人会了解。。。
我一直以为自己能克服。。。能渐渐不会多加理会。。。
但显然并没有
最近，想要拥有的一切都没有得到。。
反正这里全部的文字都是一堆垃圾。。。你也不会理，
也不会有想读的冲动。。。
:-(
9:04:00 PM
Thursday, October 11, 2007
原来，不同的看法，想法，会让两个人产生磨擦。。。把距离越拉越远。。。。
心里所想要的对方未必办得到，或愿意记得办得到。。。
尽力去配合，压抑自己的不愉快，会不会得到幸福。。。
终于，也了解为何有些人可能花了一辈子的时间，都还是无法找到一个适合自己的伴侣。。。。
无微不至的关怀。。细心呵护。。简单举动就已经是一种奢侈。。。
有谁不想知道自己在对方的心目中有多么重要。。。有谁不想知道对方对自己在乎的程度有多深？
有些事情重要的程度对每个人都不一样，要相处后才会体会到想法的不同。。。
对于信心也渐渐减少
难道这种不完美，才是爱情真实的样子？
再说也是多余。。。
6:36:00 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I am tired, i also felt restless....
juz came back fro a pub after watching a perfomance....
I admit it was all my fault at first, i lost my temper over something insignificant... but on the later part i really felt rather frustrated and unhappy... i told myself not to but i can't help it...
I really do find it important... i dun see the point to be embarrassed as long as actions are not too over ...I'm not asking for overly big actions... juz really normal ones is already sufficient to make me feel contented... it's not that difficult.... but it's got the ability to bring me much happiness, security and comfort.....why muz it be a secret? isn't this suppose to be normal? Or is it my problem? why muz there be an act?
I juz dun see why the difficulty..it doesn't cost u anything, it's not a difficult stunt, and I dun need anything that is too over.....juz normal ones.... i envied others who can.....
i continuously repeat to myself in my head... but i juz can't help it... My behaviour eventually reflected my mood.... I can't act...i was affected......
I question myself... why do i find this so important when others may juz view it as so unimportant.... or even ridiculous....but u are juz not me.....so i suggest to whoever readers dun judge, dun question, i am juz venting some bottled feelings......
有时候的我，只想和你一样沉默，羡慕着你能够对每件事物都可以表现得若无其事，对于旁人的不满，也可以视而不见
I didn't had a great night that i thought i would have tonight.......:-x
It's already 3.30am in the morning now.... i had to find an outlet to let out this crazy feeling of crap within me.......... and that is writing this ...
sighz....
will u ever understand......
perhaps never..
*想不通几个普通，简单的肢体语言和问候怎么会那么难,
那么尴尬，那么丢脸。。。*
但那些所谓多余，尴尬的举动刚好又能带来好多，好多说不出的快乐，安慰，安全感。。。
*一切都还要看人数而定。。只能偷偷的在背后进行, 感觉有些厌倦。。。见面时间已不多，为何连所拥有的时间也不会想好好珍惜。。。宁愿表现的若无其事，将宝贵的一分一秒浪费掉。。。
怎么都还要去哀求，争取才能得到，那一点点的敷衍动作和问候。。。*
*看来，我可能永远只有羡慕别人的份了。。*
:-(
不说了。。。叹气
2:52:00 AM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
For the past few days, the Changi airport is like my second home.... in fact the hours i spent there when i was wide awake was more than when i was at home.
After work, after doing the usual basic hygiene stuffs lik bathing..... I was only left with juz a few hours to sleep, after a short rest, it is time for another day of work once again....
I met all sorts of people at work, some great people, some sucky people........ luckily there was a mixture of both otherwise i may juz suffer straight into depression..... already felt so tired physically...some really difficult tourists to deal with... i got one compliment card and one complaint from a tourist juz yesterday....sort of balance up... ha!!! that complaint is due to the lack of time to attend to her needs properly.....the person claimed that there was some service discrimination.....the arrogance was obvious....
In this world, meeting such people is unavoidable............Tolerance is the key......
There were understanding tourists too.. all depends on luck....
Sometimes, i realise that i'm a really c0ntradictive person...... when it's busy, with lots of tourists all crowded at the counter at the same time.. i get all stressed up, and uptight.. and i juz hope they juz go away..... but when it's not busy, i wish there were tourists around for me to talk to...to pass time...... so i couldnt say which one i prefer... When i'm studying i wish was at work.... when i was at work i wish i was studying...when it was the first month of our training, when we are visiting all the attractions i wish we can juz start work.. now when we have finally started work, i wan to visit those attractions again.....
aiyo! so what do i wan?
sometimes, i cant stand myself too, why cant i juz be satisfied with my lot?
Humans do have an endless appetite... when ur pretty, u wish u were prettier...when ur poor, u wan to be rich.... when ur very rich, u wan to be richer..
I guess to be contented about urself, ur life, ur expectations on others is not an easy task...
Nothing's ever perfect.... there are bound to be flaws in every aspect of everything...
However, a world without imperfections does not equate to happiness too... as we need to first experience the negative before we actually realise the beauty of something positive...
For example, U have to meet someone really nasty and impatient, before u can really experience the happiness of meeting someone really kind and understanding....
If everything is flawless and perfect, then everything will be uniform, without ups and downs, monotonous, then what's the difference between positive and negative then?
Moving on on other issues.......
Juz some views
With 2 clashing schedules of 2 people..it's obviously really tough to spend enough time with each other....Gradually getting used to this...it's not something i can change.... living with it is not an option....It's something i have to live with....regardless of which ever mood i may be in.....
Nothing i can do anyway
反正，无论我的心情如何。。。
也一样
束手无策
力不从心
人生是矛盾的，人类是最难满足的动物。。。知足好难。。。
当你拥有一个时常都能见到面的伴侣时，你或许会渴望多一些自由。。相反的，若拥有一个时间好难配合，或因为其它原因而无法与你见面的伴侣时，你或许也会感到不开心。。
我是属于第二种情况吧。。。 :-x
但，当然人人都不同。。。每一个人都不一样。。。
没有所谓的对和错。。。
可是，人往往有了第一种情况，就会希望拥有第二种情况。。。。都说人类不容易满足了。。。能够知足长乐不简单。。。
我也同样做不到。。。
所以还是会向往拥有第一种情况。。。
往往没能得到的东西是最珍贵的。。
:-x
叹气。。。
6:05:00 PM
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I hope that i can survive smoothly through this.....
The timings at the airport are like tough...
My life's gonna change from now on.........
I seriously need plenty of time to get used to a lifestyle like these...
Standing for 9 hours a day at weird hours of the day.....
The need to wake up at 4am on certain mornings...
Need to work till around 3am on certain mornings....
sucks lo..
the thought of it puts me off....
sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sleeping is my favourite activity .........
I will be missing it more and more from Thursday onwards......
I will try to sleep as early as possible on days before my morning shifts...
My aim: To sleep at 9pm
To have 8 hours of sleep i need to sleep at 8pm..... i guess it's not quite possible for a night person like me......it will be great if i could sleep at 9pm instead...... better then sleep at 12am then wake up at 4am..... only 4 hours of rest... will collapse at work the following day ........and i will juz keep yawning and yawning..........:-x
That's what going to happen this Friday... in order for me to go to music school for lesson this friday i changed my afternoon shift to morning shift.. since thursday i have to work till 11.30 pm at night... by the time reach home and really get to sleep will be around 1am in the morning... have to wake up at 6am on Friday... 5 hours... i hope it's enuff....:-(
好想，好想在这单调乏味的人生中，可以感受到一些些的惊喜。。。多一些些的色彩。。。。
人生需要多一些色彩。。。人生渐渐变得有束缚的感觉。。。失去原来的自由。。。失去精神，体力，时间。。。。怎么感觉象在形容坐牢呢？
后来的我，还会越来越累。。。。
叹气。。。
K.. i shall stop here...
sighz..
Bye!
12:34:00 AM
