Wednesday, December 26, 2007
懂我的人都知道我是一个不善于表达自己情绪的人。。。 对我而言，似乎真的很难。。从小，都习惯着不知觉的忍着，压抑着那些不好，不开心的情绪。。。一直到，到了极限，才在一个人的时候，没人看见我的时候哭泣。。。
逞强是不好受的，因为自己看似没事，所以身边的人也不会懂，更不会得到安慰，是个人的问题。。。
我是一个只能与身边的人分享快乐的人。。。只因为自己害怕成为任何人的隐形负担。。。所以就都把不开心的事情往自己身上背。。。背得累了，感觉太重了，就会跌倒。。。大哭一场后，就自己爬起来。。。
面对不开心的事时，我只会装得若无其事。。。强掩着自己的不快乐。。。发发牢骚就会装得没事，甚至把一切当成一个笑话。。。
其实心里比谁都还在意。。。
*在人前我微笑，甚至欺骗自己我没事。。。
在人后还是过不了自己这一关。。。
到最后还是哭了。。。*
人还是人，即使能表现的多坚强，终究还是难免会有崩溃的时候。。。
写字可以是一种发泄。。。
哭也是另外一种发泄。。。
＊微笑着的人不一定真的快乐。。。
不微笑的人未必不快乐。。。＊
我是一个复杂的人。。。我不懂我。。。
那你会懂我吗？你又了解我多少呢？
谁会在我拼命装得若无其事时，发觉到我内心的难过？
那个人会是你吗？
7:16:00 AM
Monday, December 24, 2007
Time does flies... it's already the end of the year.. and 2008 is just around the corner...
it's like zoom... and it's a year.. it's already Christmas eve today... well, was intending to meet you today... but you were tied down with the obligations of work... so i will juz have to wait till Friday...sighz... ..but well... life's like that. .
:-x.... at least u were present when i was performing yesterday... i thought u had to work....
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
*我正学着习惯一个人的安全感*
My left eyelid have been twitching and twitching for the past few days... wonder what happen to it.. it's like twitching and twitching .. i guess some vein inside my eyelids has gone crazy... it was twitching like mad ... some sort like vibrating whilst i was performing yesterday... really gone haywire... evn now it's twitching as i am typing now... I hate twitching eyelids... it irritates me like hell....I even fell down yesterday whilst my eyelids twitch i tried to stop it by pressing on it not being careful of the slippery floor... eventually slipped and fell down ... ugly sight.. with guitar on the floor... a mess .. i fell on my butt... :-(
对于表演， 到达梦想的距离好像好遥远。。。
我到不到得了是一个问号。。。
付出过，是不是就一定能换得回希望？
*昨日你对我说的简单几句赞美和鼓励我的话就已经让我觉得没之前那么难受。。。*
*这些话我会牢牢的记住。。。*
*你的鼓励和支持让我弯起嘴角，笑了。。。*
好庆幸昨日有你在。。。
*想天天看见你笨笨的笑脸。。。*
*这世上最重要的不只是誓言，只要你常常记得抱抱，亲亲我，我会永远牢牢记得每一个瞬间。。。*
*想天天有你陪,
还有在很久的每一天，我也要有你陪。。。*
5:13:00 PM
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Life's never expected... sometimes when u spent all ur time to plan juz to be able to create more time to be together.. things juz dun turn out the way u wanted it to be... there's bound to be unexpected shit that will happen in between .....the harder i try the harder it seems to be
I've learnt it... i am intending not to try so hard ...or perhaps i juz try too hard... and carry too much hope and didnt expect shit to come my way...
sure enuff ...eventually the day was some sort wasted... and the worst thing was i happen to specially request for the day... and to subconciously look forward to it... no no... i wont try so hard in requesting anymore... no ... i guess i juz let it be.. if i have to work, then be it..
maybe to u there's nothing different about me... ..this situation is ongoing.. there will never be enough time ...never...
apparently, things didnt get any better when eventually it was an early night home with little time spent... and i thought we didnt have to go home that early....
i don't think it affects u anyway..
人类毕竟还是分开的个体。。
没有人会懂我。。。
我突然感觉好累。。。 以前，就算没时间至少还能透过手机简讯沟通，现在又不能。。。我无能为力。。我只有感觉辛苦。。。
对你而言，当然也没有分别。。。
我最近会比较爱在没人看见我的时候流泪。。。或许你不会相信。。。因为在人前的我，还是一样。。。没有不同
对你而言，没有分别。。。你不会懂得我原本有的期待。。。
不开心的是，怎么好像只有我受到影响。。。对你
来说, 这些是不是都无所谓。。。没有太大的影响。。。
我想说的是刚才的我真的不想回家。。。
你不会懂
12:05:00 AM
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Been emotional...
Haven't been lucky lately..
If i were to buy 4D i dun think it will strike...
Feeling sense of disappointment..
It really sucks when u carried certain level of hope to something only to find out that it turns out to be nothing u have expected... nothing...I can juz think of many excuses for myself to ignore it... but i juz can't ...
When you want something ..yes so what if u really can make it happen and get juz what u wanted, juz by asking for it .. but certain things juz loses it's original meaning when u actually take action and open ur bloody mouth to ask for it...After asking, yes... u will get the thing u wan ? but so what? The Happiness is already not there.... it's as if u've forced someone ..... the original meaning is lost....
it's indeed better to carry no hopes.. no expectations on everything, on anyone....
but it's not as easy as much as one might want it...
maybe the level of importance towards different matters is different to everyone...to one person , doing something after it's requested is good enough and means the same.. but to another person, doing something only after it's requested is already meaningless.... it's as good as not doing it at all.....
I cant make everyone understand the degree of importance certain matters means to me..
No One will anyway..
so dun bother..
I'm learning to question less... coz questioning really doesnt help to make me feel better... it juz makes me feel like an irritating fool...
maybe i really am...
I'm exhausted... tired...
Explanation not needed..
*We are juz a servant of money..... Day in day out, we slogged and we worked, we sacrifice all our time... all our energy... for money....*
*Money is the root of all evil*
Bye..
3:55:00 PM
